Monday, August 29, 2011

Foolish Pride

If you haven't heard "Pride goeth before the fall", you must live under a rock.  It is something I've heard all my life, being raised in a Christian home.  But then, there is School Pride, Gay Pride, American Pride, "Take pride in what you do", Male Pride.  So which is it??  How confusing!!!  Is pride good or bad?  Well, it's complicated, but very simple.

"The sin of pride may be a small or a great thing in someone's life, and hurt vanity a passing pinprick, or a self-destroying or even murderous obsession".  Iris Murdoch - British novelist and philosopher

"Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt".  Benjamin Franklin - Y'all know who he is, right?

Confucius say "The superior man has a degnified ease without pride.  The mean man has pride without a denified ease".

"One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor".  Proverbs 29"23

There are many, many quotes on pride...very few of them are positive.  All warn of the dangers of pride, and rightly so.  In Christianity, it is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.  In Buddhism, it is one of the Five Kleshas (kilesa is a Buddhist term meaning defilement, affliction or poison, thank you Google and Wikipedia!!)  In Hinduism, there is good pride (which is self-confidence) which says is purely internal, and bad pride (which is self-importance) which is external.  It goes on to describe "From a spiritual perspective, pride is a sign of a person's egoism and attachment to wordly things that are impermanent and cause suffering.  I even checked the Islam religion and it said, "The disease of pride and arrogance deletes all traces of goodness and piety. This is the worst vice in causing havoc to Deen and a regrettable disease to have for the followers of this perfect and exalted religion".  (Side note:  Isn't it a bit...prideful, to call your own religion perfect and exalted??  I digress...).

Could all these religions be onto something?  It's always funny to me, that most religions are alike in their foundation...yet it's the people and leaders that try to make them different, to separate themselves from others that are trying to achieve the same goal.  Not funny ha ha, funny sad.  There was one instance where pride was "good", either for buddhism or hinduism, it made good soldiers. (My translation:  Pride makes you put yourself above another, you are better, therefore, it is easier to go into battle...where you will harm or even kill another human being).  So, see, pride still equals bad.

I have always thought I lacked self-confidence.  I realize it is not the confidence I lack, it is pride.  There are two passages I read, and found the following:  "Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good and firmly decide not to give up" (Dalai Lama);  "Self-confidence is not a feeling of superiority, but of independence" (Lama Yeshe).  When I read those, it was one of those moments in life where you go "EXACTLY!!!".  I would venture to guess, there are a few people that believe I am full of pride (and not the good kind).  I do not lack self-confidence, never have and I'm not sure why I thought I did.  There is a way I live my life, there are rules and morals I hold myself to and they are right, for me.  I do take pride that I follow the teaching of the Bible, and try to be a "good Christian" more often than not.  But never, have I thought myself better.  My delivery sometimes, most of the time??, comes off as condescending and know-it-all.  This is the bane of my existence.  It is something I am trying to amend, and it continues to bite me in the behind. (sigh)  My pride comes from what I do, not who I am, or was, or will be.

Suddenly, I realize how important it is for me to teach the boys about pride.  In my life, it has come to my attention, that I do.not.understand male pride.  At.all.  My dad tried to explain it once or twice, and I remember telling him "Well, that's just stupid to feel like that".  He neither confirmed or denied I was correct..."It just is what it is" he would say.  There are many reasons I'm happy to be a woman, not having to rationalize "male pride" is very close to the top of the list.  As a woman, I have zero ability to understand, to have empathy, for this state of being.  Pride is good for fighting wars...I guess I can see that.  But so many men define themselves by their possessions.  What they have, what they can call theirs.  They must defend what is theirs, from any thing and everything they see as a threat.  I guess there are women like that as well...I'm just not one of them.  It all seems so exhausting to me, and I'm glad I don't have to do it!  My father was a very proud man, yet he was also the most humble.  He lived his life devoted to God and his family.  He knew that everything he had was not his, but a gift.  This is what I need to teach the boys.

Pride is not something you act upon, it is something that comes from your actions.  That is the most valuable insight I've gleaned from my exploration of pride this morning.  When your pride becomes an obstacle to your peace and happiness (or to someone else's...), that is your first clue that it's the "bad" kind of pride.  Every moment we have here is a gift, don't let your pride, your ego, get in your own way.  It is not a surprise that very spiritual people already know that pride is harmful, even the smallest amount.  If you must take pride in something, make it your kindness, your devotion to family or your love of God (or the higher power of your choosing).  Firmly decide that you can do something good, and don't give up.

Now, when you have the urge to paint your face, buy one of those big goofy #1 fingers and scream for your team, I guess that's the good kind of pride.  Though, honestly, I don't get that kind of pride either...but it seems rather harmless...


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Relationship Rules

Figure I'd keep with yesterdays theme and broach the subject of relationships and rules of engagement.  Like yesterday, I can only speak from my own experience, but, like yesterday, I bet many of you can relate.

Let me say this first.  For the past two years, I've been in a new kind of relationship.  I feel lucky to be remarried.  I think it's wonderful that people get married, and stay married until death us do part, however, that didn't work out for me the first time.  Where I find myself now, is in the position to have the marriage I always wanted.  In the years that followed the ending of my first marriage, I have learned a lot about me.  There are things I do well, and there are things I can improve on.  Hindsight is 20/20, and I feel fortunate that I can use that knowledge and use it to make my second marriage better.

For MJ...I love you with all my heart.  You see my short-comings, and love me any way.  I still believe we are trying to create the relationship we have both longed for.  I am lucky to have such a willing partner.  We have our days...but so does everyone else.  You are my inspiration to be a better person, a better wife, a better partner.  Thank you for being you, it is who I've been looking for all my life.

Ok, shake the mushy off, and lets get to it.  First, I'd like to point out something that may have gone unnoticed by some...I've always found it interesting myself.  Our vows, the one's we make before God, say until death do us part.  Ever notice it doesn't say "death from natural causes", it just says death.  There's a saying I picked up from my mother that I really really love!!  "I'm gonna kill'em and tell God they died".  Well, husbands and wives, be warned.  It's kind of up to interpretation on the whole "death do us part", I'd feed a bit of dinner to the dog first if you think your spouse has had about enough of you...Just sayin'.

Seriously though, relationships are work.  You know those little old couples that have been married 65 years and still hold hands??  They have worked very hard to get to that point.  It's not easy, no matter how easy some couples make it look.  There was this couple I knew back in the early years of my first marriage.  They were "The Happy Couple".  There was a group of us, and we all talked about how happy they always were.  How they had the perfect life and marriage.  So we were all floored when they told us they were getting a divorce.  WHAT??!  See, we never know what goes on behind closed doors.  It's the rare couple that airs their dirty laundry for all the world to see.  Don't look at another couple and wish you could have a marriage like theirs.  Look at your own marriage and make it what you want it to be.


If I was to make a list of all the "rules" that would make a perfect relationship for me, it's probably be pages and pages.  But my goal is not perfection, it's happiness.  The journey is what I find most important.  What can I do to make myself better, therefore making my marriage better??  I have narrowed it down to ten, seems like a good number, worked for God...

#1 Put your spouse's needs before your own.   "What??  Are you kidding??  What about me??".  I figured I should put the hardest one right at the top.  Really, it's a simple concept.  Try to make your partner happy every day.  Give as much as you have, and expect nothing in return.  Haven't you always wondered what it would be like to have someone completely devoted to your happiness??  Well, why not create that for someone you love?  I admit, it's a bit of a Polly Anna idea...BUT, what if you both followed this rules for a week?  Don't you think you would both be fulfilled at weeks end?  Talk with your spouse, agree to do this little exercise over the weekend and see what it's like.  We as humans are pretty darn selfish, and it's hard not to get sucked back into that selfishness from time to time.  So, designate a "Selfless Week(end)", even a day will make a difference.

#2 Learn your partner's love language.  There is some book about Love Languages, you can even Google and find some test thing to figure out what yours is.  Find the test and send it to your partner (with an attachment of your test results), then tell them to send it back to you.  This is one of the most important things!  There are something like five, mine happens to be tied between Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.  That's a fancy way of saying it makes me really happy when you unload the dishwasher, or say thank you for cooking dinner.  It's important to know what makes your loved one tick.  You can bring her flowers every day, but if she really wants you to unload the dishwasher...well, the flowers just won't cut it.  Conversely, if you unload the dishwasher, and she wants flowers, you're name is still mud.

A side note to women:  M.a.k.e your husband take this test.  We sometimes think "Oh, we just feed them and show them some skin from time to time" and that will make them happy.  Not always the case...though I doubt many would turn that down.  They may need us to be their cheerleaders, tell them how wonderful they are, how safe they make us feel, they might even like for you to bring home a six pack (instead of flowers).  Hell, they may not even know what makes them tick!!  Honestly, and don't tell them I said so, I think men are more complicated than women.  I mean, we're complicated as women (who wouldn't be with hormones going all over the place??), but at least we recognize we are complicated.  Men think they are easy, when in reality, they are not.  Oh if it was so easy as to just feed them and have sex!!

#3 Random acts of kindness.  In our house, there are MJ jobs, and SJ jobs.  A month or so ago, I decided to do an MJ job and mow the front yard.  He works, likes to sleep late on the weekends, so when he gets around to it, it's usually 3PM and a billion degrees outside!  Who wants to do that?!  I, on the other hand, am up early, when it's still cool.  Weekends aren't as special to me, because I don't go to a paying job.  So, I mowed!  It is such a rare thing, my mother wrote it down on her calendar. (shakes head)  Later, after MJ got home (I was not home), he sent me a text "Someone mowed our yard!!".  I'm thinking maybe he thought our yard got mixed up with another one that had a service.  I told him it was me, and he was so thankful, it made my day.  Week before last, I did it again.  He wasn't as excited about it that time, but (See Rule #1) that's not why I did it.

MEN - READ THIS:  Some Saturday, tell your wife to take the day off and go spend a few hours doing whatever it is she does, sans the kids.  Or, if you have a wife like me that would rather just have some peace and quiet at home, take the kids out for a few hours.  As mothers, we sometimes forget how to take care of ourselves, claim some "Me Time".  It's a wonderful thing, and will mean so much, I promise!!

#4 Listen.  "Put your listening ears on", it's one of my favorite Judge Judy sayings.  Recently, I was trying to explain to Maverick what listening really was.  Listening isn't being quiet until it's your turn to speak.  Listening is, well, listening.  It is focusing on what the person is saying, watching their face, catching the inflection of certain words.  It's not projecting what you think they are saying, it's trying to understand exactly what they are saying.  Listen with your heart, stop for a moment and just let your partner say what they need to say without reacting, or offering advise.  Don't try to fix it, or change their mind, or defend yourself, or justify an action.  Just listen.  Again, Rule #1 comes into play...see, it's a good rule.  Know, that if you partner comes to you and says "I need to talk to you", you should give them the floor. Don't decide you need to talk too, just listen.  Your turn is coming up!  (Rule #8).

#5 Say I love you.  "Those three words, are said too much, but not enough".  No truer words.  We can say I love you a million times a day, and I do times four.  I love you when someone is off to school or work, I love you when I'm getting off the phone (with my mom or MJ, not the DirecTV operator, just to be clear), I love you before I tuck in the boys and turn off the light.  It's said back to me, I hear it, I know that we all love each other and we like to tell each other.  But you know what?  Nothing beats when you walk up to someone, look them in the eye, and tell them you love them.  It takes all of two seconds, and in that moment, there's that connected feeling, like the whole world just stopped.  It's such an important thing to feel that connection, especially when life is just flying by, you go one way, they go the other.  But we really should stop and smell the roses from time to time.  Make time, even if it's just a second, to say I love you, from the heart.

#6 Don't bring yesterday into today.  "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath".  You don't have to believe in God, or the Bible, to heed this advise.  I use to spend days and days being mad.  Oh, I can hold a grudge, let me tell ya!  But there comes a time, when you can't even remember why you're mad in the first place, that it seems silly.  Life really is too short.  Why spend more than one day being mad?  Isn't being happy the goal?  So, decide to wake up with a clean slate.  That is not to say become a door mat, if something needs to be addressed, the by all means do so!  But don't bring the anger with you, check it at the door.  Anger masks what the true feeling is, it also makes the person it is directed toward very likely to become defensive.  If someone said something that offended you, hurt your feelers, made you sad, then tell them.  "What you said, made me feel fill in the blank".  Now, when you hear that phrase, put on your listening ears!!  So you didn't mean to make them feel that way, or that's not how you meant it to come out, or you were being passive aggressive and wanted them to feel just that...Don't make an excuse for it, or justify it, listen, apologize if you need to, let it go.  Don't ruin today, with the rubbish of yesterday.

#7 Keep it in the family.  No, that's not what I mean!!  When you marry someone, you marry their family, there is no way around that short of moving far far away.  But, good or bad, family is family.  Through trial and error, I have found that it works best when we deal with our own family.  There are rules of engagement with one's family that come from years and years of experience.  Certain things are done a certain way, period.  And who better to navigate those waters than someone in the family!  As a couple, it should be decide between you, what your boundaries are, what your traditions will be, how you will do things.  Then, when the time comes, you explain to your family how things will be.  Never, ever, EVER send an in-law in to break the news that somethings changing!  Death.sentence.  Further, if an in-law steps on your toes, talk to your spouse about it.  Don't take it upon yourself to confront your in-law, that typically makes things worse, not better.  Trust that your spouse will address the problem, if it indeed is a problem.  And spouse, if it's that bothersome to your partner you might want to address it with your family.  We must remember, that no matter how we see someone else's family, they probably love them as much as we love ours.  So be respectful, be polite, make peace whenever possible.  Remember, your goal is to make your spouse happy, so suck it up if you must, it's worth it.

#8 Take turns.  Yes, this is in the right list, though it's something I tell my boys all.the.time.  But why shouldn't it apply to adults in relationships?  There are times that our spouse will drive us right to the edge.  Example:  I am the worlds worst, side seat driver.  For the life of me, I can't keep my mouth shut and not tell MJ how to drive, where to park, which lane to be in.  It's stupid, yet uncontrollable.  There are times, when I actively try to not say anything, I think I've done it twice.  And there have been times, that MJ has not scowled at me, or stopped in the middle of a parking lot to ask if I wanted to drive. (LOL)  See, we take turns.  I try not to drive him crazy, and he tries to quell my anxiety by parking where I tell him to.  Some days are better than others...Take turns being the one to overlook something that typically bothers you.  Try to understand that those little things that bug us come from anxiety our spouse is experiencing.  Also, don't forget to curb that anxiety, deal with it in a way other than becoming annoying to your spouse.

#9 No ambushing!!!  I had a rule with one of my best friends a long time ago.  If we had a problem, we dealt with it right then.  We didn't hang on to it for months, then get in a tiff about whatever, and ambush each other with "well 4 months ago you did xyz".  It was a good rule, and it's still a good rule.  You know, if something pisses you off, don't wait to mention it.  If it makes you really angry, maybe wait until the urge to beat your spouse with a bat subsides...but don't wait until it builds up and boils over into something totally unrelated!  And remember, just because you need to vent, doesn't mean you can just emotionally vomit on your partner.  Don't bring up every grievance you have had since 2009.  Oh, and omit "you never" from your vocabulary and thought process.  It is a must for a successful relationship.

# 10 Do your best.  When you go to work, you do your best.  When you go to school, you do your best.  When you make dinner, you do (try) your best.  When we go out into the world, we do our best.  So, what is the difference when you walk through the front door of your home?  Home is where we should focus our "best" the most.  There are actually people that care, and would benefit more from that best than work, school or strangers.  There is no excuse for being the best partner/spouse/husband/wife you can be every day.  None.  Relationships need to be top priority, God, Family, Friends...the rest.  The person you lay next to in bed at night is the most important person in your life.  Do they know that?  Do they feel that?  This isn't about becoming a performing monkey and doing tricks every day.  It's about getting the most you can out of your marriage by giving it your best.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

House Rules

My house, my rules.  How many times did you hear that growing up?  Well, it's official, I've turned into my parents!!  And I've found, there are worse things to become...

Growing up, there wasn't a list of rules for me to follow, well, unless you count the Ten Commandments.  Looking back, I wouldn't consider my parents strict, exactly, as a teenager I thought they were horrible!!  But as an adult, they kept me out of trouble, more trouble I should say, because I found plenty even on the short leash they kept me on.

My house, growing up, was pretty laid back.  We were far from stuffy, it was a home, not just a house.  It was my safe haven from the (sometimes) cruel realities of the "real" world.  Even when I got in trouble, say, at school, I didn't dread going home.  There would be punishment for doing something wrong, of course, but it would be fair and much to my chagrin I knew it was fair.  Do the crime, pay the time.  Stupid logic, it sucked having it as a teen.  But no matter how much trouble I might be in, I knew one thing wouldn't change, my parents would still love me.  They would listen to me, try to understand where I was coming from, sometimes failing...They did a great job, I can only hope I'm doing as well.

It is my belief that home should be where one can relax.  There's nothing more inviting after a long days work than to come home and not feel like you have to perform.  As an adult, we all get that.  But what about the kids??  Don't they, too, have the right to have the same kind of place?  I think they do, and I'm trying to find the balance (with three boys, it's sometimes hard!!!).  Never do I want my house to be a place my children avoid.  You know those adults that never seem to spend a lot of time at their parent's house??  Ever wonder why??  Our memory of home stays with us forever.  It's either something you gravitate towards, or you avoid like the plague!!

With three boys, nothing is easy.  Ever.  It's always something.  I couldn't be more easy going, really.  That has been something I've had to work on, not being so easy going...because really, when the patients run the asylum, things go south quickly.  So, I've tried to come up with some basic rules.  Pretty simple, and clear.  I will print these and display them in the house, so everyone can remember them.  These are FAMILY rules, not just rules for the kiddos.  The greatest influence we have on our children is not from what we say, it's what we do.  Actions speak louder than words.

Be nice.  Really, is it that hard??  Do unto others, turn the other cheek, if you don't have anything nice to say, DO.NOT.SAY.ANYTHING.

Be helpful to each other.  You know, if everyone came home and just did nothing, what do you think would happen?  "But it's not my job"...blah blah blah.  If you live in a house, it's your job to be helpful.  Mom vent:  It's not just mom's job to keep the house going.  She does the majority of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, paying bills.  Would it really kill you to put any dirty dishes you have, or see, in the dishwasher??  Wait, you say the dishwasher is full of clean dishes??  Un.load.it.   There is nothing that will drive a mom/wife/woman over the edge than walking into the kitchen to find an empty dishwasher and dirty dishes sitting on the counter.  Seriously, open the dish washer, insert dirty dish.  It probably takes less time than it did for me to type that sentence.  A mess doesn't have to be made by you for you to clean it up.  When you see something that needs to be done, do it.  Why are you waiting for someone else to do it??  If it's your house, it's your job.

Clean up after yourself.  If you can't seem to help each other...then just focus on you.  Put dirty clothes IN the dirty clothes hamper.  Wash out the sink after you brush your teeth (or shave) in it.  Can I stress enough to put your dishes in the dishwasher??  No, I can't.  If you brought it out of your room, take it back to your room.  If you can't find it in you to help others, just don't add to the mess/chaos.

Shirts on at the dinner table.  I don't really need to elaborate on this one do I?

Yes, not what.  (Ma'am and sir are optional).  Yes is so much nicer, it really is.  I have a sing-song yes, it makes me appear to have interest when you call my name. (paranoid)  I like to think you have interest when I call your name!  When I tell you to do something, respond.  Again, yes/yes ma'am/ok/sure are all acceptable, but say them so people can hear you!  If you are on the couch, and I am in the kitchen, if you nod (yes or no) I can't hear your head rattle!

Say someone's name one time.  If they don't respond in 5 minutes, you may say it again.  Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  GAH!!!  There is a reason I'm not responding, you will have to trust me on this.  If your brother doesn't answer you, he's probably ignoring you, so just stop trying.  The dog doesn't like you, and saying his name a gazillion times will not make him come closer to you.  Sorry.  And William, I can listen to you without actually having to look at you.  When someone says "Yes William", start talking.  We don't have to make eye contact with you to hear you.  Mav, that goes for you too.

Do NOT use foul language.  Honestly, this is for the adults.  Children listen to your every word, especially the bad ones.  If you don't want your child dropping the F-bomb in front of Great Aunt Ida, don't use that word anywhere your children can hear it.  Trust me on this one.  Kids want to be like their role models, that's just how it works.  If they see you using bad language, they will see nothing wrong with it.  Even when you tell them you can because you're an "adult", if it's wrong, it's wrong.  There are plenty of other descriptive words we adults can use.  Take the time to find those other words and save Aunt Ida from fainting, she's old and she might break a hip if she falls.

Do not lie.  My mother has some sort of magic, I can't lie to her.  It's annoying, though I've gotten better at it as an adult (paranoid).  Thankfully, I don't need to lie to her, but the ability would have been nice when I was a teenager!  She gave me very sage advice once, I shall share it with you.  She said, never put a child in the position to lie to you.  Say you catch your angel child with a face covered in chocolate, you ask said angel child if they've been eating Mama's chocolate that is stashed in her night-stand.  Well, in their little brain it makes total sense to say no.  Seriously, fess up vs deny deny deny?  No brainer.  See, until children get older, they think when they lie, you will take their word for it.  Similar to how when they put the covers over their head they are rendered invisible.  So, when you simply as why they ate Mama's stash of chocolate in the night-stand, they are forced to either a) tell you, or b) stand there looking like a deer in the headlights.  That is the magic.  Since they still think they can become invisible, they will also think you know everything some sort of telepathy.  It's great!

So instead of ten, I've made eight.  Ten might just put the boys over the edge!  They can deal with eight, eight is totally do-able.  I think I'll print them out, have them sign them and put them on the fridge.  We have a marble system, one marble = 30 minutes computer time, so each broken rule will cost a marble.  LOVE the marble system!!  Makes my life easy, I like easy.  These rules, in black and white, will make life easy as well.  Kids like to know what's expected of them, I like a list I can refer to.  This seems like a win win for us!  We shall see over dinner...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Forgive Me

It has been 168 days since my last blog.  I am sure ALL of you have been waiting on pins and needles...whom ever ALL is...

Today is a day to write down, it is the first day, in (does more math) 7 years, 3 months and 13 days that I have been home alone.  Well, kinda.

For over 10 years, I have been a full time, stay at home, mom.  Austin, my oldest is 10 (almost 11!).  When he was 2.5 he went to Mother's Day Out for two hours twice a week in the Spring.  He started Montessori school at 3.5 and went from 9AM to 2PM five days a week.  Then, Mav was born May 10, 2004, thus began my run of full time mom.  A couple of years later, my wonderful surprise, William, was born.  Austin had moved on to Kindergarten, Mav was still "little" and at home with me.  So now, I had one in school and two at home.

Two years later, Mav started Pre-k for half a day, so I was down to one child at home.  Which, as those of you that have multiples know, one is more time consuming than two.  With two, they have each other, with one, they want you.  It was actually nice, because William being my youngest, I'd not had the opportunity to have just me and him time.  Austin got the most Mama Time, Mav had his fair share, but William had always shared his time with me with at least one of The Brothers.  So I enjoyed my one-on-one time with William.  He missed his brothers, a lot, and looked forward to them coming home from school.  It was hardest when Mav started Kinder because he was gone ALL day.  William spent a lot of time asking when The Brothers would be home.

Last year, William started Pre-K.  He was thrilled!!  He got to ride the bus to school and home from school with The Brothers!!  He was big now!  Of course, he was still my baby...but I tried to keep that quiet.  William had a crash course in telling time last year.  And I have to admit, I failed.  From the time he woke up, it was "It's time to go to school", "No son, it's 7:30AM, The Brothers just left, you won't go until 11AM.  That's when the bus comes".  Every.single.day.

I have been looking forward to this time, with both excitement and dread.  The whole Summer, in the back of my mind, I knew they would all start school.  My stoic 10 year old, who is already a Tween with loads of angst and self doubt, is starting 5th Grade.  The sweetest little blue eyed boy evah!, 7 year old Maverick started 2nd Grade full of wonder and excitement.  And William, my baby, who has been asking how many days 'til school for about two weeks, is in Kinder.  From 7AM until 3PM, they will not be in this house.  It's quiet.  And I'm somewhat lost.

For over 10 years, I have defined myself as full time mom.  Now, I find myself full time mom, with eight hours of child free time.  EEK!!  I am beginning to realize I'm going to miss them.  Before, I didn't have time to miss them!! I felt "on" all the time, and, honestly, it was hard some days.  Being at work, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, well, few people know how that feels.  Mom's don't get sick days, we don't get vacation time, we don't get lunch breaks or even 15 minute breaks for that matter.  If you have little one's at home, unless you lock the bathroom door behind you, you have no free time.  It is not a job any of us would change, no matter what the salary.  But don't think, for a second, it's "easy".  We don't sit at home all day, on the couch, eating bonbons and watching Oprah.  Our job is just as taxing as those of you that go to work, we are at work, but we actually never leave...We can't leave work at the office, it's here, with us, all the time.

So, today, after 2661 days of being full time mom, I get a break for eight hours.  I say that and laugh, now I get to be a maid, chef and dog keeper...But today, I'm going to sit, and try not to cry, about my boys growing up.  Suddenly, I realize they are!  And damnit, they are all doing it at the same time!!  What.the.hell???  Suddenly I don't want to spend all day crocheting, or knitting, or sitting on the couch eating bonbons and watching Oprah!!  I want them all to be little again, at home, bugging the ever loving daylights out of me.  Demanding my time, asking for a bizillion goldfish, or something to drink.  Saying they are hungry...just not for what I have for them to eat.  Crawling up next to me, leaning their head on my shoulder, and just being near me.  That's what I want.  Today, at least...I can TOTALLY get use to this Home Alone thing!!  Just give me a second while I ugly cry...