Myth - God will never give you anything you
can't handle.
Truth - Oh yes He will!!
The Good News:
No
temptation [regardless of its source] has
overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human
resistance]; but GOD is faithful [to His word - He is compassionate and trustworthy], and
He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the
temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as
well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with
joy]. -1 Corinthians 10:13 (Amplified Bible)
For the last week, I've been sick.
"The Texas crud" my ex-mother-in-law used to call it. I guess it's
really just a common cold? But it feels a lot more like crud! For me, it starts
turning into bronchitis quickly, I can't hear because of the fluid in my ears,
it's...unpleasant. On top of that, Monday I was stung by a wasp (may he rest in
pieces). My ring finger on my left hand turned into a little sausage, was red,
and hurt like the dickens!!! So, it does suffice to say, I've been a bit
miserable.
There probably isn't a better time for the
enemy to start his attacks, is there? Physically, I was managing, so the enemy
took it up a notch, he stated his attacks on my emotions. I really loathe when
he does that...
A strange thing has happened to me over the
last year or so...I don't often dream. It's not that I dream but don't
remember, it's that if I dream, I don't even remember I did. When I sleep, my
brain just turns completely off. It's something I'm actually very
thankful for! About a month ago, I did have a dream, about church, it was funny
and I do wonder how it "got through".
Well, somehow another dream got through
this week. It was much less funny. The dream itself was not unpleasant...it was
of me being friends with someone. The unpleasant part was whom I was being a
friend with. I could probably spend hours, maybe just minutes, analyzing this
dream. Why was it her of all people?? But, that's not what this is
about.
Upon waking, this dream lingered and turned
into a series of "why" questions:
- Why
would someone do that?
- Why
isn't there a "Woman's Code" or something?
- Why
did I come out as the bad guy?
- Why
doesn't anyone ask how I'm doing?
- Why,
why, why? (It's a pretty long list...)
When the whys first started I stayed on top
of them. Humans, they aren't perfect, love them anyway. Just because I wouldn't
do it, doesn't make me "better", that's judging. Then the thief came
to steal, kill, and destroy. "Because you are worthless",
"because no one cares", he said.
That's when I made a fatal mistake. You
see, I had a list of things I needed to get done and there was a finite
amount of time to do them. "Those are lies, I know that", is what I
did do combat the enemy. See, this is where the myth comes in...As my day
progressed, the "intrusive thoughts", as I call them, kept on a
comin'. But I was so focused on what I needed to finish, that I
overlooked what I really needed to do. And, in reflection, I guess
that's what the enemy was banking on.
My body was already weak from being sick
and here I was pushing it to do more. My soul was hurting, but I didn't have
time for that! So I kept forging ahead, blindly. In doing this, I disconnected
my spirit from it's source of life. This wasn't willful indignation...it was
believe the myth..."God won't give me anything I can't handle".
By late afternoon/early evening, I was slammed
by the enemy. Don't every think the enemy isn't paying attention, he will
kick you hardest when you are at your weakest. But...I didn't have time to be
weak! I had plans, and I kept focusing on them, continuing to believe the myth.
"Chin up, woman! Shoulders up, head high, fake it 'til you make it".
All lies, and they don't even work.
It wasn't until around midnight that I was
finally brought to the end of me. Broken, defeated, bitter, lonely, hopeless,
and rejected, I did what I should have done nineteen hours prior. I cried out
to Jesus. I cried out all the questions, the whys, that had no answer. Instead
of pushing the pain on down the road, I just stood in it.
"He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds [healing their pain and
comforting their sorrow]]
- Psalm 147:3 (Amplified Bible)
Let me wrap up this myth for you as clearly
as I can:
I believed this myth all day; "God
won't give me anything I can't handle". Ha, what a lie from the pit of
hell. God knew I couldn't handle this! Even I knew that! It's why I kept
not stopping; I kept pushing it out of my mind until I couldn't any
more. Not thinking about something is NOT handling it!!! Let me repeat that...not
thinking about something is not handling it.
One of the things I avoid the most,
as I'm sure most people do...is feeling pain. I mean, seriously, who wants to
feel pain?? I have become an expert at not feeling pain. It reminds me something
my Papa used to say: "Does it hurt when you do that?", I'd answer
yes. "Then don't do that!", he'd say. He usually applied this to a
physical hurt...but I applied it to all hurt. It is painful to remember
the hurts, so I've just learned to not think about them. Put them in a nice
little box on a shelf way back in the corner.
But...that's how I handle
what God's given me, and as you see, that was a craptastic plan yesterday, no?
I'm fairly certain that isn't the plan God wanted me to follow. So...what is
the plan? That seems to be the million-dollar question today, for which I have
no clear answer.
For starters, I need to stop pretending
"I got this", when clearly I do not. My heart is broken on so many
levels, buy so many people, that...it's overwhelming. I think I need to address
each and every one of these people (in my journal I mean). Instead of just not
thinking about the painful things, I need to face them. Grieve the loss of
friendship, the betrayal, the shattered dreams. Not a "Pity, party of
1". But of "Brokenheartedness, party of 2". Let God heal my pain
and bring me comfort in my sorrow; to do that I must feel it and be in it.
Trusting that my God is faithful, and it will not be forever…Only until it
brings Him glory and beauty out of the ashes.
