Myth - God will never give you anything you can't handle.
Truth - Oh yes He will!!
The Good News:
No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but GOD is faithful [to His word - He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy]. -1 Corinthians 10:13 (Amplified Bible)
For the last week, I've been sick. "The Texas crud" my ex-mother-in-law used to call it. I guess it's really just a common cold? But it feels a lot more like crud! For me, it starts turning into bronchitis quickly, I can't hear because of the fluid in my ears, it's...unpleasant. On top of that, Monday I was stung by a wasp (may he rest in pieces). My ring finger on my left hand turned into a little sausage, was red, and hurt like the dickens!!! So, it does suffice to say, I've been a bit miserable.
There probably isn't a better time for the enemy to start his attacks, is there? Physically, I was managing, so the enemy took it up a notch, he stated his attacks on my emotions. I really loathe when he does that...
A strange thing has happened to me over the last year or so...I don't often dream. It's not that I dream but don't remember, it's that if I dream, I don't even remember I did. When I sleep, my brain just turns completely off. It's something I'm actually very thankful for! About a month ago, I did have a dream, about church, it was funny and I do wonder how it "got through".
Well, somehow another dream got through this week. It was much less funny. The dream itself was not unpleasant...it was of me being friends with someone. The unpleasant part was whom I was being a friend with. I could probably spend hours, maybe just minutes, analyzing this dream. Why was it her of all people?? But, that's not what this is about.
Upon waking, this dream lingered and turned into a series of "why" questions:
- Why would someone do that?
- Why isn't there a "Woman's Code" or something?
- Why did I come out as the bad guy?
- Why doesn't anyone ask how I'm doing?
- Why, why, why? (It's a pretty long list...)
When the whys first started I stayed on top of them. Humans, they aren't perfect, love them anyway. Just because I wouldn't do it, doesn't make me "better", that's judging. Then the thief came to steal, kill, and destroy. "Because you are worthless", "because no one cares", he said.
That's when I made a fatal mistake. You see, I had a list of things I needed to get done and there was a finite amount of time to do them. "Those are lies, I know that", is what I did do combat the enemy. See, this is where the myth comes in...As my day progressed, the "intrusive thoughts", as I call them, kept on a comin'. But I was so focused on what I needed to finish, that I overlooked what I really needed to do. And, in reflection, I guess that's what the enemy was banking on.
My body was already weak from being sick and here I was pushing it to do more. My soul was hurting, but I didn't have time for that! So I kept forging ahead, blindly. In doing this, I disconnected my spirit from it's source of life. This wasn't willful indignation...it was believe the myth..."God won't give me anything I can't handle".
By late afternoon/early evening, I was slammed by the enemy. Don't every think the enemy isn't paying attention, he will kick you hardest when you are at your weakest. But...I didn't have time to be weak! I had plans, and I kept focusing on them, continuing to believe the myth. "Chin up, woman! Shoulders up, head high, fake it 'til you make it". All lies, and they don't even work.
It wasn't until around midnight that I was finally brought to the end of me. Broken, defeated, bitter, lonely, hopeless, and rejected, I did what I should have done nineteen hours prior. I cried out to Jesus. I cried out all the questions, the whys, that had no answer. Instead of pushing the pain on down the road, I just stood in it.
"He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]]
- Psalm 147:3 (Amplified Bible)
Let me wrap up this myth for you as clearly as I can:
I believed this myth all day; "God won't give me anything I can't handle". Ha, what a lie from the pit of hell. God knew I couldn't handle this! Even I knew that! It's why I kept not stopping; I kept pushing it out of my mind until I couldn't any more. Not thinking about something is NOT handling it!!! Let me repeat that...not thinking about something is not handling it.
One of the things I avoid the most, as I'm sure most people do...is feeling pain. I mean, seriously, who wants to feel pain?? I have become an expert at not feeling pain. It reminds me something my Papa used to say: "Does it hurt when you do that?", I'd answer yes. "Then don't do that!", he'd say. He usually applied this to a physical hurt...but I applied it to all hurt. It is painful to remember the hurts, so I've just learned to not think about them. Put them in a nice little box on a shelf way back in the corner.
But...that's how I handle what God's given me, and as you see, that was a craptastic plan yesterday, no? I'm fairly certain that isn't the plan God wanted me to follow. So...what is the plan? That seems to be the million-dollar question today, for which I have no clear answer.
For starters, I need to stop pretending "I got this", when clearly I do not. My heart is broken on so many levels, buy so many people, that...it's overwhelming. I think I need to address each and every one of these people (in my journal I mean). Instead of just not thinking about the painful things, I need to face them. Grieve the loss of friendship, the betrayal, the shattered dreams. Not a "Pity, party of 1". But of "Brokenheartedness, party of 2". Let God heal my pain and bring me comfort in my sorrow; to do that I must feel it and be in it. Trusting that my God is faithful, and it will not be forever…Only until it brings Him glory and beauty out of the ashes.