It is a new phenomenon, peoples worlds are changed when FaceBook revamps its' format. I had to sit and laugh the last couple of days at all the bitching and moaning going on. I mean, really, it's FB people. It changed, big deal, move.on.
Then, I found myself irrationally upset that I kept getting notifications for two certain friends. It's not that I don't care, but really, 14 notifications because SoandSo went there with someone I don't know, or care to know? 14?? Last week, if I cared, I could scroll down the news feeds and see who was doing/thinking what. If I was really interested in what someone was doing, I could go to their page. Back in the day, getting a little "2" above the notification button was exciting!! Now, it has lost it's thrill, it makes me sad (and annoyed). I have unchecked, unsubscribed and all but blocked/unfriended these people. And I swear to Maude that if I get another notification, because I don't know how to opt out of that, I'll SCREAM.
Now, you make me look at some little scrolling dealy on the right to see status updates, but you still show me status updates in the middle but they seem to be limited to the lamest things on the planet. Of course in the little scrolling dealy, I now know that SoandSo posted to her bff's comment about having a bad day. It is more information that I need, and NONE that I actually want.
There is probably some simple solution to this, but it is beyond me. There are more list in more categories. I'm surprised that they haven't separated my friends into Jocks, Stoners, Fakers and Hippies (now that, I could get behind). But they put some people in a "Close Friends" list and it made me laugh. Dude, I haven't talked to her in y.e.a.r.s we are not close. Somewhere, it did ask me who was in my family, ADD+, how many of you wished you could do that in real life?? "You're in the family, you're in the family, opps, sorry, you didn't make the cut. Try harder and well see next week".
The security aspect I haven't even thought about, because, well, I haven't gotten that far in the process. I'm sure something has changed, because when FB re-formats, all our laundry seems to be made public. There isn't a lot I put "out there" that I want kept secret. Seriously, if you type it into the securest secure place on the internets, it's still on the internets. But I do have pictures of my kids, and I sometimes get caught up in the "some weirdo is going to copy and paste your kids picture and do weird things with it". That kinda freaks me out, because of course, as a mom, I start thinking, "Well, what if they decide that's just the most adorable child they have ever seen and go to his school and nab him"??! Lucky for me, I'm pretty sure they would immediately return Mav and William...Austin might be kept longer until they realize he's not going to do a.thing. unless they have Xbox, or there is money involved.
Just about the time we all get our feathers smoothed and are lovin' the FB again, they'll change something. ~sigh~ Apparently they missed the memo about "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". It was such a simple concept when it started, a perfect concept even. Why try to improve on perfect?? But like I told a fb friend, next week (though it might take a month since so much changed) we won't even remember what it changed from and it will just be "normal" fb again. ~meh~ We gotta have something to bitch about though, and if it really is the fb format that is our biggest bitch of the day, life is pretty darn good!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Deep and Dark
When I started this feeble blog months ago, a friend suggested I write about "real" stuff. I had grand plans for this blog, alas, it's simple my humble little place to share some thoughts with the few that read this. For my friend, this is going to be about "real" stuff. Deep dark stuff you don't really air to the world...But you know, maybe one of my readers will read this and know someone that needs to read it, for whatever reason. Or...it's just my therapy for today, to purge thoughts that have become trapped in my head and I wish for them to leave. So, I'm leaving them here.
For the life of me, I'm not sure why these old thoughts have crept back into my head. Memories. Memories I wish I didn't have, of pain that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Ok, secretly I've wished this exact thing to happen to a couple of people, but then I take it back. Really, no one should have to endure this. It's two memories, the first is worse than the second, but they both still sucked rocks. I remember exactly where these events took place, (one in a driveway, one on a porch), I remember the sick, numb feeling and then the devastation. My world was turned upside down, shattered, everything that was...was no longer. I curled into a fetal position and sobbed, praying to God to take away the agony, to make it stop! It didn't stop, it came in waves, washing over me, and crushing me into the ground.
If I looked at a calendar, and a football schedule (lol), I could tell you the exact date my ex-husband told me of his affair. We were in the driveway, had just left my oldest son with my mother, and I was a few weeks pregnant with my second child. He turned off the car, sat there for a second, then looked at me. I remember the look on his face, it was blank, numb looking. I was looking him right in the eye when he told me he had an affair. I'm pretty sure I said "Do what??", because, really, he did not just tell me he'd had an affair. So, he said it again. Damn. I'd heard right the first time. I then asked why he was telling me this. Seriously, out of the blue, left field, nowhere, I was smashed in the face. Don't husbands usually try to hide this shit?? That's what I always thought they did. Deny, hide, cover up. But never divulge the information in the driveway, on a Sunday night! WTF??
To be perfectly honest, I am not sure what happen between me being in the car and me being curled up in the upstairs bathroom sobbing. I didn't scream, or get angry at all, I saved that for later. All I could think to do was go somewhere small and dark to cry, and pray. There wasn't much conversation that night...there really isn't anything to say. Sorry? Um, that's not even close. I'm not big on sorry anyway...but that's another story. All I wanted to do was to be alone. It's what I do when I'm hurt, I just want to crawl into a cave and hide. I guess God listened to my prayers, because right when I thought I couldn't take the pain much more, it would subside. Then start over.
As I sat in my small dark place, I remember going over the last two years of my life (which was how long the affair lasted) and finding every moment, every memory, now empty. Anything that had brought joy to my life, was now rendered meaningless. When I looked forward, I saw nothing. When the sobbing would stop, I was filled with a feeling of absolutely nothing. Completely void of everything. I am not sure which was worse, the sobbing, or the void.
There is one thing I wish I could do. Well, there are several things I wish I could do...but one thing I've always thought would come in handy. I wish I could get angry. Don't get me wrong, I can and do get angry, just ask Austin at homework time. But when faced with something that will "hurt my feelers", I can't go right to that defense mechanism, anger, and cover up the hurt. Or at least push the hurt back far enough to so I can deal with it in spurts, maybe? Nope, I gotta deal with all of it, right up front. ~sigh~
So let's fast forward a bit. Still married to the ex, "survived" the affair, had two more children, then, guess what. You know that old saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."? Well, that's how my first marriage ended. Shame on me. I found out about this one because, well, I'm nosey. (paranoid) I just happen to pick up the ex's cell phone and...browse. I think he was caught a bit off guard when I opened the shower door and asked "Who the F is this?".
This time around, I was prepared, if one can ever actually be prepared for something like this. Out. You must, go now. I think the difference was that it wasn't just me that I had to take care of, I had three boys. There was no question about "saving the marriage", really, twice?? Looking back, I think I would have liked to do things a little different. My entire world was ripped apart, and my little boys were right there with me. It was a blur the first six months, I kept my head above water only because I had to. This time I couldn't curl up into the fetal position because I had three little boys that needed me to be ok.
I often find myself wondering if people really get what an affair does to a person. With the first affair, I was only told because some old neighbors said to the ex "you tell or we tell". I am, and will forever be, perplexed at this notion. Did the neighbors truly understand the devastation and long term pain they were, in effect, causing?? I also wonder what the other "women" (and I use that term loosely here) thought. Did it ever occur to them, while my ex was lying to me, that he was lying to them also?? It kind of seems like a logical leap, no? I know my ex didn't understand the devastation I went through (until recently). Why didn't he just leave, that would have sucked too, but at least I would have some ounce of dignity left...maybe.
There is no way for a woman to ever not feel it was her fault her partner had an affair. No way. If there is a way, please email it to me. It is a strange voice that is left inside your head, forever after. There are unwelcome times that I catch myself in the mirror and compare myself to "her" (it's usually the second her because she was the "up-graded" newer 1987 model). It pisses me right off because I like who I am, and where I am, I even think I don't look too shabby for a 1971 model!! I'm a classic baby!
It has been over four years, maybe even five, and I can still call up that exact feeling. I have forgiven...mostly...and I constantly pray to forget. It's the strangest little things that will bring that feeling back up to the surface. Stupid little things, that others might not even notice. But for me, they are devastating. For a second, which is too long in my opinion, I feel hopeless and lost, and unsure of me. On some occasions, I have to write in my journal, or blog, to get out of my own head and remember where I am now.
My life has turned into what I want it to be, and I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to pursue that life. I consider the affairs and divorce life's way of giving me the kick in the pants I needed. We, I, should have had the courage to end that marriage sooner. Life is so precious, and so many years were waisted being unhappy, but "sticking it out". There is no anger left, maybe a little hurt now and again. But I have so much more to be thankful for, and that pulls me through the random days of remembering. It is something that did not kill me, but made me stronger.
For the life of me, I'm not sure why these old thoughts have crept back into my head. Memories. Memories I wish I didn't have, of pain that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Ok, secretly I've wished this exact thing to happen to a couple of people, but then I take it back. Really, no one should have to endure this. It's two memories, the first is worse than the second, but they both still sucked rocks. I remember exactly where these events took place, (one in a driveway, one on a porch), I remember the sick, numb feeling and then the devastation. My world was turned upside down, shattered, everything that was...was no longer. I curled into a fetal position and sobbed, praying to God to take away the agony, to make it stop! It didn't stop, it came in waves, washing over me, and crushing me into the ground.
If I looked at a calendar, and a football schedule (lol), I could tell you the exact date my ex-husband told me of his affair. We were in the driveway, had just left my oldest son with my mother, and I was a few weeks pregnant with my second child. He turned off the car, sat there for a second, then looked at me. I remember the look on his face, it was blank, numb looking. I was looking him right in the eye when he told me he had an affair. I'm pretty sure I said "Do what??", because, really, he did not just tell me he'd had an affair. So, he said it again. Damn. I'd heard right the first time. I then asked why he was telling me this. Seriously, out of the blue, left field, nowhere, I was smashed in the face. Don't husbands usually try to hide this shit?? That's what I always thought they did. Deny, hide, cover up. But never divulge the information in the driveway, on a Sunday night! WTF??
To be perfectly honest, I am not sure what happen between me being in the car and me being curled up in the upstairs bathroom sobbing. I didn't scream, or get angry at all, I saved that for later. All I could think to do was go somewhere small and dark to cry, and pray. There wasn't much conversation that night...there really isn't anything to say. Sorry? Um, that's not even close. I'm not big on sorry anyway...but that's another story. All I wanted to do was to be alone. It's what I do when I'm hurt, I just want to crawl into a cave and hide. I guess God listened to my prayers, because right when I thought I couldn't take the pain much more, it would subside. Then start over.
As I sat in my small dark place, I remember going over the last two years of my life (which was how long the affair lasted) and finding every moment, every memory, now empty. Anything that had brought joy to my life, was now rendered meaningless. When I looked forward, I saw nothing. When the sobbing would stop, I was filled with a feeling of absolutely nothing. Completely void of everything. I am not sure which was worse, the sobbing, or the void.
There is one thing I wish I could do. Well, there are several things I wish I could do...but one thing I've always thought would come in handy. I wish I could get angry. Don't get me wrong, I can and do get angry, just ask Austin at homework time. But when faced with something that will "hurt my feelers", I can't go right to that defense mechanism, anger, and cover up the hurt. Or at least push the hurt back far enough to so I can deal with it in spurts, maybe? Nope, I gotta deal with all of it, right up front. ~sigh~
So let's fast forward a bit. Still married to the ex, "survived" the affair, had two more children, then, guess what. You know that old saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."? Well, that's how my first marriage ended. Shame on me. I found out about this one because, well, I'm nosey. (paranoid) I just happen to pick up the ex's cell phone and...browse. I think he was caught a bit off guard when I opened the shower door and asked "Who the F is this?".
This time around, I was prepared, if one can ever actually be prepared for something like this. Out. You must, go now. I think the difference was that it wasn't just me that I had to take care of, I had three boys. There was no question about "saving the marriage", really, twice?? Looking back, I think I would have liked to do things a little different. My entire world was ripped apart, and my little boys were right there with me. It was a blur the first six months, I kept my head above water only because I had to. This time I couldn't curl up into the fetal position because I had three little boys that needed me to be ok.
I often find myself wondering if people really get what an affair does to a person. With the first affair, I was only told because some old neighbors said to the ex "you tell or we tell". I am, and will forever be, perplexed at this notion. Did the neighbors truly understand the devastation and long term pain they were, in effect, causing?? I also wonder what the other "women" (and I use that term loosely here) thought. Did it ever occur to them, while my ex was lying to me, that he was lying to them also?? It kind of seems like a logical leap, no? I know my ex didn't understand the devastation I went through (until recently). Why didn't he just leave, that would have sucked too, but at least I would have some ounce of dignity left...maybe.
There is no way for a woman to ever not feel it was her fault her partner had an affair. No way. If there is a way, please email it to me. It is a strange voice that is left inside your head, forever after. There are unwelcome times that I catch myself in the mirror and compare myself to "her" (it's usually the second her because she was the "up-graded" newer 1987 model). It pisses me right off because I like who I am, and where I am, I even think I don't look too shabby for a 1971 model!! I'm a classic baby!
It has been over four years, maybe even five, and I can still call up that exact feeling. I have forgiven...mostly...and I constantly pray to forget. It's the strangest little things that will bring that feeling back up to the surface. Stupid little things, that others might not even notice. But for me, they are devastating. For a second, which is too long in my opinion, I feel hopeless and lost, and unsure of me. On some occasions, I have to write in my journal, or blog, to get out of my own head and remember where I am now.
My life has turned into what I want it to be, and I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to pursue that life. I consider the affairs and divorce life's way of giving me the kick in the pants I needed. We, I, should have had the courage to end that marriage sooner. Life is so precious, and so many years were waisted being unhappy, but "sticking it out". There is no anger left, maybe a little hurt now and again. But I have so much more to be thankful for, and that pulls me through the random days of remembering. It is something that did not kill me, but made me stronger.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Chicken Scallopini
I Googled this recipe on the internets because I had to figure out how to make chicken scallopini as good as Carino's without having to drop $15 every time I wanted it (which may be often now!!). It turned out GREAT!! Thank you, thank you Ashlee!! There are also a lot of other yummy looking things in Ashlee's blog, you should go check them out!!
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Johnny Carino's Chicken Scallopini
Everytime we go to Johnny Carino's I order this. It is sooo mouth wateringly delicious. I am drooling just thinking about it. :0) I found a copycat recipe for it. So now I can make it any time!
Ingredients:
Lemon butter:
1/2 lb butter
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons white wine
1/2 teaspoon garlic , minced
chicken
4 tablespoons butter , melted
2 chicken breasts
1/2 cup roma tomatoes
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup cooked bacon , chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon garlic salt
10 ounces spaghetti
8 ounces heavy whipping cream
Directions:
Combine Lemon Butter ingredients in a mixing bowl and beat at a medium speed until a smooth consistency in the batter is formed. Once combined, keep refrigerated until needed.
Put Spaghetti on to boil & prepare as you usually would.
While it is cooking halve each chicken breast (you will have 4 pieces).
In a warm saute pan, combine melted butter & chicken breast pieces. Saute until chicken is browned & just about done. Add tomatoes, mushrooms, bacon, and spice mixture. Simmer until tomatoes begin to dissolve & chicken is done. Add heavy cream and allow to boil to the middle of pan. Remove from heat, add one cup lemon butter, and fold together to make sauce.
Serve over spaghetti.
Ashlee side note: The lemon flavor is hardly noticeable, so don't think it's like lemon chicken. It's kind of like grilled herbed chicken with a creamy herb sauce. And the bacon, mushrooms, and tomatoes give it a nice kick. I'm getting hungry just talking about this!
Ingredients:
Lemon butter:
1/2 lb butter
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons white wine
1/2 teaspoon garlic , minced
chicken
4 tablespoons butter , melted
2 chicken breasts
1/2 cup roma tomatoes
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup cooked bacon , chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon garlic salt
10 ounces spaghetti
8 ounces heavy whipping cream
Directions:
Combine Lemon Butter ingredients in a mixing bowl and beat at a medium speed until a smooth consistency in the batter is formed. Once combined, keep refrigerated until needed.
Put Spaghetti on to boil & prepare as you usually would.
While it is cooking halve each chicken breast (you will have 4 pieces).
In a warm saute pan, combine melted butter & chicken breast pieces. Saute until chicken is browned & just about done. Add tomatoes, mushrooms, bacon, and spice mixture. Simmer until tomatoes begin to dissolve & chicken is done. Add heavy cream and allow to boil to the middle of pan. Remove from heat, add one cup lemon butter, and fold together to make sauce.
Serve over spaghetti.
Ashlee side note: The lemon flavor is hardly noticeable, so don't think it's like lemon chicken. It's kind of like grilled herbed chicken with a creamy herb sauce. And the bacon, mushrooms, and tomatoes give it a nice kick. I'm getting hungry just talking about this!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Foolish Pride
If you haven't heard "Pride goeth before the fall", you must live under a rock. It is something I've heard all my life, being raised in a Christian home. But then, there is School Pride, Gay Pride, American Pride, "Take pride in what you do", Male Pride. So which is it?? How confusing!!! Is pride good or bad? Well, it's complicated, but very simple.
"The sin of pride may be a small or a great thing in someone's life, and hurt vanity a passing pinprick, or a self-destroying or even murderous obsession". Iris Murdoch - British novelist and philosopher
"Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt". Benjamin Franklin - Y'all know who he is, right?
Confucius say "The superior man has a degnified ease without pride. The mean man has pride without a denified ease".
"One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor". Proverbs 29"23
There are many, many quotes on pride...very few of them are positive. All warn of the dangers of pride, and rightly so. In Christianity, it is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. In Buddhism, it is one of the Five Kleshas (kilesa is a Buddhist term meaning defilement, affliction or poison, thank you Google and Wikipedia!!) In Hinduism, there is good pride (which is self-confidence) which says is purely internal, and bad pride (which is self-importance) which is external. It goes on to describe "From a spiritual perspective, pride is a sign of a person's egoism and attachment to wordly things that are impermanent and cause suffering. I even checked the Islam religion and it said, "The disease of pride and arrogance deletes all traces of goodness and piety. This is the worst vice in causing havoc to Deen and a regrettable disease to have for the followers of this perfect and exalted religion". (Side note: Isn't it a bit...prideful, to call your own religion perfect and exalted?? I digress...).
Could all these religions be onto something? It's always funny to me, that most religions are alike in their foundation...yet it's the people and leaders that try to make them different, to separate themselves from others that are trying to achieve the same goal. Not funny ha ha, funny sad. There was one instance where pride was "good", either for buddhism or hinduism, it made good soldiers. (My translation: Pride makes you put yourself above another, you are better, therefore, it is easier to go into battle...where you will harm or even kill another human being). So, see, pride still equals bad.
I have always thought I lacked self-confidence. I realize it is not the confidence I lack, it is pride. There are two passages I read, and found the following: "Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good and firmly decide not to give up" (Dalai Lama); "Self-confidence is not a feeling of superiority, but of independence" (Lama Yeshe). When I read those, it was one of those moments in life where you go "EXACTLY!!!". I would venture to guess, there are a few people that believe I am full of pride (and not the good kind). I do not lack self-confidence, never have and I'm not sure why I thought I did. There is a way I live my life, there are rules and morals I hold myself to and they are right, for me. I do take pride that I follow the teaching of the Bible, and try to be a "good Christian" more often than not. But never, have I thought myself better. My delivery sometimes, most of the time??, comes off as condescending and know-it-all. This is the bane of my existence. It is something I am trying to amend, and it continues to bite me in the behind. (sigh) My pride comes from what I do, not who I am, or was, or will be.
Suddenly, I realize how important it is for me to teach the boys about pride. In my life, it has come to my attention, that I do.not.understand male pride. At.all. My dad tried to explain it once or twice, and I remember telling him "Well, that's just stupid to feel like that". He neither confirmed or denied I was correct..."It just is what it is" he would say. There are many reasons I'm happy to be a woman, not having to rationalize "male pride" is very close to the top of the list. As a woman, I have zero ability to understand, to have empathy, for this state of being. Pride is good for fighting wars...I guess I can see that. But so many men define themselves by their possessions. What they have, what they can call theirs. They must defend what is theirs, from any thing and everything they see as a threat. I guess there are women like that as well...I'm just not one of them. It all seems so exhausting to me, and I'm glad I don't have to do it! My father was a very proud man, yet he was also the most humble. He lived his life devoted to God and his family. He knew that everything he had was not his, but a gift. This is what I need to teach the boys.
Pride is not something you act upon, it is something that comes from your actions. That is the most valuable insight I've gleaned from my exploration of pride this morning. When your pride becomes an obstacle to your peace and happiness (or to someone else's...), that is your first clue that it's the "bad" kind of pride. Every moment we have here is a gift, don't let your pride, your ego, get in your own way. It is not a surprise that very spiritual people already know that pride is harmful, even the smallest amount. If you must take pride in something, make it your kindness, your devotion to family or your love of God (or the higher power of your choosing). Firmly decide that you can do something good, and don't give up.
Now, when you have the urge to paint your face, buy one of those big goofy #1 fingers and scream for your team, I guess that's the good kind of pride. Though, honestly, I don't get that kind of pride either...but it seems rather harmless...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Relationship Rules
Figure I'd keep with yesterdays theme and broach the subject of relationships and rules of engagement. Like yesterday, I can only speak from my own experience, but, like yesterday, I bet many of you can relate.
Let me say this first. For the past two years, I've been in a new kind of relationship. I feel lucky to be remarried. I think it's wonderful that people get married, and stay married until death us do part, however, that didn't work out for me the first time. Where I find myself now, is in the position to have the marriage I always wanted. In the years that followed the ending of my first marriage, I have learned a lot about me. There are things I do well, and there are things I can improve on. Hindsight is 20/20, and I feel fortunate that I can use that knowledge and use it to make my second marriage better.
For MJ...I love you with all my heart. You see my short-comings, and love me any way. I still believe we are trying to create the relationship we have both longed for. I am lucky to have such a willing partner. We have our days...but so does everyone else. You are my inspiration to be a better person, a better wife, a better partner. Thank you for being you, it is who I've been looking for all my life.
Ok, shake the mushy off, and lets get to it. First, I'd like to point out something that may have gone unnoticed by some...I've always found it interesting myself. Our vows, the one's we make before God, say until death do us part. Ever notice it doesn't say "death from natural causes", it just says death. There's a saying I picked up from my mother that I really really love!! "I'm gonna kill'em and tell God they died". Well, husbands and wives, be warned. It's kind of up to interpretation on the whole "death do us part", I'd feed a bit of dinner to the dog first if you think your spouse has had about enough of you...Just sayin'.
Seriously though, relationships are work. You know those little old couples that have been married 65 years and still hold hands?? They have worked very hard to get to that point. It's not easy, no matter how easy some couples make it look. There was this couple I knew back in the early years of my first marriage. They were "The Happy Couple". There was a group of us, and we all talked about how happy they always were. How they had the perfect life and marriage. So we were all floored when they told us they were getting a divorce. WHAT??! See, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. It's the rare couple that airs their dirty laundry for all the world to see. Don't look at another couple and wish you could have a marriage like theirs. Look at your own marriage and make it what you want it to be.
If I was to make a list of all the "rules" that would make a perfect relationship for me, it's probably be pages and pages. But my goal is not perfection, it's happiness. The journey is what I find most important. What can I do to make myself better, therefore making my marriage better?? I have narrowed it down to ten, seems like a good number, worked for God...
#1 Put your spouse's needs before your own. "What?? Are you kidding?? What about me??". I figured I should put the hardest one right at the top. Really, it's a simple concept. Try to make your partner happy every day. Give as much as you have, and expect nothing in return. Haven't you always wondered what it would be like to have someone completely devoted to your happiness?? Well, why not create that for someone you love? I admit, it's a bit of a Polly Anna idea...BUT, what if you both followed this rules for a week? Don't you think you would both be fulfilled at weeks end? Talk with your spouse, agree to do this little exercise over the weekend and see what it's like. We as humans are pretty darn selfish, and it's hard not to get sucked back into that selfishness from time to time. So, designate a "Selfless Week(end)", even a day will make a difference.
#2 Learn your partner's love language. There is some book about Love Languages, you can even Google and find some test thing to figure out what yours is. Find the test and send it to your partner (with an attachment of your test results), then tell them to send it back to you. This is one of the most important things! There are something like five, mine happens to be tied between Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. That's a fancy way of saying it makes me really happy when you unload the dishwasher, or say thank you for cooking dinner. It's important to know what makes your loved one tick. You can bring her flowers every day, but if she really wants you to unload the dishwasher...well, the flowers just won't cut it. Conversely, if you unload the dishwasher, and she wants flowers, you're name is still mud.
A side note to women: M.a.k.e your husband take this test. We sometimes think "Oh, we just feed them and show them some skin from time to time" and that will make them happy. Not always the case...though I doubt many would turn that down. They may need us to be their cheerleaders, tell them how wonderful they are, how safe they make us feel, they might even like for you to bring home a six pack (instead of flowers). Hell, they may not even know what makes them tick!! Honestly, and don't tell them I said so, I think men are more complicated than women. I mean, we're complicated as women (who wouldn't be with hormones going all over the place??), but at least we recognize we are complicated. Men think they are easy, when in reality, they are not. Oh if it was so easy as to just feed them and have sex!!
#3 Random acts of kindness. In our house, there are MJ jobs, and SJ jobs. A month or so ago, I decided to do an MJ job and mow the front yard. He works, likes to sleep late on the weekends, so when he gets around to it, it's usually 3PM and a billion degrees outside! Who wants to do that?! I, on the other hand, am up early, when it's still cool. Weekends aren't as special to me, because I don't go to a paying job. So, I mowed! It is such a rare thing, my mother wrote it down on her calendar. (shakes head) Later, after MJ got home (I was not home), he sent me a text "Someone mowed our yard!!". I'm thinking maybe he thought our yard got mixed up with another one that had a service. I told him it was me, and he was so thankful, it made my day. Week before last, I did it again. He wasn't as excited about it that time, but (See Rule #1) that's not why I did it.
MEN - READ THIS: Some Saturday, tell your wife to take the day off and go spend a few hours doing whatever it is she does, sans the kids. Or, if you have a wife like me that would rather just have some peace and quiet at home, take the kids out for a few hours. As mothers, we sometimes forget how to take care of ourselves, claim some "Me Time". It's a wonderful thing, and will mean so much, I promise!!
#4 Listen. "Put your listening ears on", it's one of my favorite Judge Judy sayings. Recently, I was trying to explain to Maverick what listening really was. Listening isn't being quiet until it's your turn to speak. Listening is, well, listening. It is focusing on what the person is saying, watching their face, catching the inflection of certain words. It's not projecting what you think they are saying, it's trying to understand exactly what they are saying. Listen with your heart, stop for a moment and just let your partner say what they need to say without reacting, or offering advise. Don't try to fix it, or change their mind, or defend yourself, or justify an action. Just listen. Again, Rule #1 comes into play...see, it's a good rule. Know, that if you partner comes to you and says "I need to talk to you", you should give them the floor. Don't decide you need to talk too, just listen. Your turn is coming up! (Rule #8).
#5 Say I love you. "Those three words, are said too much, but not enough". No truer words. We can say I love you a million times a day, and I do times four. I love you when someone is off to school or work, I love you when I'm getting off the phone (with my mom or MJ, not the DirecTV operator, just to be clear), I love you before I tuck in the boys and turn off the light. It's said back to me, I hear it, I know that we all love each other and we like to tell each other. But you know what? Nothing beats when you walk up to someone, look them in the eye, and tell them you love them. It takes all of two seconds, and in that moment, there's that connected feeling, like the whole world just stopped. It's such an important thing to feel that connection, especially when life is just flying by, you go one way, they go the other. But we really should stop and smell the roses from time to time. Make time, even if it's just a second, to say I love you, from the heart.
#6 Don't bring yesterday into today. "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath". You don't have to believe in God, or the Bible, to heed this advise. I use to spend days and days being mad. Oh, I can hold a grudge, let me tell ya! But there comes a time, when you can't even remember why you're mad in the first place, that it seems silly. Life really is too short. Why spend more than one day being mad? Isn't being happy the goal? So, decide to wake up with a clean slate. That is not to say become a door mat, if something needs to be addressed, the by all means do so! But don't bring the anger with you, check it at the door. Anger masks what the true feeling is, it also makes the person it is directed toward very likely to become defensive. If someone said something that offended you, hurt your feelers, made you sad, then tell them. "What you said, made me feel fill in the blank". Now, when you hear that phrase, put on your listening ears!! So you didn't mean to make them feel that way, or that's not how you meant it to come out, or you were being passive aggressive and wanted them to feel just that...Don't make an excuse for it, or justify it, listen, apologize if you need to, let it go. Don't ruin today, with the rubbish of yesterday.
#7 Keep it in the family. No, that's not what I mean!! When you marry someone, you marry their family, there is no way around that short of moving far far away. But, good or bad, family is family. Through trial and error, I have found that it works best when we deal with our own family. There are rules of engagement with one's family that come from years and years of experience. Certain things are done a certain way, period. And who better to navigate those waters than someone in the family! As a couple, it should be decide between you, what your boundaries are, what your traditions will be, how you will do things. Then, when the time comes, you explain to your family how things will be. Never, ever, EVER send an in-law in to break the news that somethings changing! Death.sentence. Further, if an in-law steps on your toes, talk to your spouse about it. Don't take it upon yourself to confront your in-law, that typically makes things worse, not better. Trust that your spouse will address the problem, if it indeed is a problem. And spouse, if it's that bothersome to your partner you might want to address it with your family. We must remember, that no matter how we see someone else's family, they probably love them as much as we love ours. So be respectful, be polite, make peace whenever possible. Remember, your goal is to make your spouse happy, so suck it up if you must, it's worth it.
#8 Take turns. Yes, this is in the right list, though it's something I tell my boys all.the.time. But why shouldn't it apply to adults in relationships? There are times that our spouse will drive us right to the edge. Example: I am the worlds worst, side seat driver. For the life of me, I can't keep my mouth shut and not tell MJ how to drive, where to park, which lane to be in. It's stupid, yet uncontrollable. There are times, when I actively try to not say anything, I think I've done it twice. And there have been times, that MJ has not scowled at me, or stopped in the middle of a parking lot to ask if I wanted to drive. (LOL) See, we take turns. I try not to drive him crazy, and he tries to quell my anxiety by parking where I tell him to. Some days are better than others...Take turns being the one to overlook something that typically bothers you. Try to understand that those little things that bug us come from anxiety our spouse is experiencing. Also, don't forget to curb that anxiety, deal with it in a way other than becoming annoying to your spouse.
#9 No ambushing!!! I had a rule with one of my best friends a long time ago. If we had a problem, we dealt with it right then. We didn't hang on to it for months, then get in a tiff about whatever, and ambush each other with "well 4 months ago you did xyz". It was a good rule, and it's still a good rule. You know, if something pisses you off, don't wait to mention it. If it makes you really angry, maybe wait until the urge to beat your spouse with a bat subsides...but don't wait until it builds up and boils over into something totally unrelated! And remember, just because you need to vent, doesn't mean you can just emotionally vomit on your partner. Don't bring up every grievance you have had since 2009. Oh, and omit "you never" from your vocabulary and thought process. It is a must for a successful relationship.
# 10 Do your best. When you go to work, you do your best. When you go to school, you do your best. When you make dinner, you do (try) your best. When we go out into the world, we do our best. So, what is the difference when you walk through the front door of your home? Home is where we should focus our "best" the most. There are actually people that care, and would benefit more from that best than work, school or strangers. There is no excuse for being the best partner/spouse/husband/wife you can be every day. None. Relationships need to be top priority, God, Family, Friends...the rest. The person you lay next to in bed at night is the most important person in your life. Do they know that? Do they feel that? This isn't about becoming a performing monkey and doing tricks every day. It's about getting the most you can out of your marriage by giving it your best.
Let me say this first. For the past two years, I've been in a new kind of relationship. I feel lucky to be remarried. I think it's wonderful that people get married, and stay married until death us do part, however, that didn't work out for me the first time. Where I find myself now, is in the position to have the marriage I always wanted. In the years that followed the ending of my first marriage, I have learned a lot about me. There are things I do well, and there are things I can improve on. Hindsight is 20/20, and I feel fortunate that I can use that knowledge and use it to make my second marriage better.
For MJ...I love you with all my heart. You see my short-comings, and love me any way. I still believe we are trying to create the relationship we have both longed for. I am lucky to have such a willing partner. We have our days...but so does everyone else. You are my inspiration to be a better person, a better wife, a better partner. Thank you for being you, it is who I've been looking for all my life.
Ok, shake the mushy off, and lets get to it. First, I'd like to point out something that may have gone unnoticed by some...I've always found it interesting myself. Our vows, the one's we make before God, say until death do us part. Ever notice it doesn't say "death from natural causes", it just says death. There's a saying I picked up from my mother that I really really love!! "I'm gonna kill'em and tell God they died". Well, husbands and wives, be warned. It's kind of up to interpretation on the whole "death do us part", I'd feed a bit of dinner to the dog first if you think your spouse has had about enough of you...Just sayin'.
Seriously though, relationships are work. You know those little old couples that have been married 65 years and still hold hands?? They have worked very hard to get to that point. It's not easy, no matter how easy some couples make it look. There was this couple I knew back in the early years of my first marriage. They were "The Happy Couple". There was a group of us, and we all talked about how happy they always were. How they had the perfect life and marriage. So we were all floored when they told us they were getting a divorce. WHAT??! See, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. It's the rare couple that airs their dirty laundry for all the world to see. Don't look at another couple and wish you could have a marriage like theirs. Look at your own marriage and make it what you want it to be.
If I was to make a list of all the "rules" that would make a perfect relationship for me, it's probably be pages and pages. But my goal is not perfection, it's happiness. The journey is what I find most important. What can I do to make myself better, therefore making my marriage better?? I have narrowed it down to ten, seems like a good number, worked for God...
#1 Put your spouse's needs before your own. "What?? Are you kidding?? What about me??". I figured I should put the hardest one right at the top. Really, it's a simple concept. Try to make your partner happy every day. Give as much as you have, and expect nothing in return. Haven't you always wondered what it would be like to have someone completely devoted to your happiness?? Well, why not create that for someone you love? I admit, it's a bit of a Polly Anna idea...BUT, what if you both followed this rules for a week? Don't you think you would both be fulfilled at weeks end? Talk with your spouse, agree to do this little exercise over the weekend and see what it's like. We as humans are pretty darn selfish, and it's hard not to get sucked back into that selfishness from time to time. So, designate a "Selfless Week(end)", even a day will make a difference.
#2 Learn your partner's love language. There is some book about Love Languages, you can even Google and find some test thing to figure out what yours is. Find the test and send it to your partner (with an attachment of your test results), then tell them to send it back to you. This is one of the most important things! There are something like five, mine happens to be tied between Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. That's a fancy way of saying it makes me really happy when you unload the dishwasher, or say thank you for cooking dinner. It's important to know what makes your loved one tick. You can bring her flowers every day, but if she really wants you to unload the dishwasher...well, the flowers just won't cut it. Conversely, if you unload the dishwasher, and she wants flowers, you're name is still mud.
A side note to women: M.a.k.e your husband take this test. We sometimes think "Oh, we just feed them and show them some skin from time to time" and that will make them happy. Not always the case...though I doubt many would turn that down. They may need us to be their cheerleaders, tell them how wonderful they are, how safe they make us feel, they might even like for you to bring home a six pack (instead of flowers). Hell, they may not even know what makes them tick!! Honestly, and don't tell them I said so, I think men are more complicated than women. I mean, we're complicated as women (who wouldn't be with hormones going all over the place??), but at least we recognize we are complicated. Men think they are easy, when in reality, they are not. Oh if it was so easy as to just feed them and have sex!!
#3 Random acts of kindness. In our house, there are MJ jobs, and SJ jobs. A month or so ago, I decided to do an MJ job and mow the front yard. He works, likes to sleep late on the weekends, so when he gets around to it, it's usually 3PM and a billion degrees outside! Who wants to do that?! I, on the other hand, am up early, when it's still cool. Weekends aren't as special to me, because I don't go to a paying job. So, I mowed! It is such a rare thing, my mother wrote it down on her calendar. (shakes head) Later, after MJ got home (I was not home), he sent me a text "Someone mowed our yard!!". I'm thinking maybe he thought our yard got mixed up with another one that had a service. I told him it was me, and he was so thankful, it made my day. Week before last, I did it again. He wasn't as excited about it that time, but (See Rule #1) that's not why I did it.
MEN - READ THIS: Some Saturday, tell your wife to take the day off and go spend a few hours doing whatever it is she does, sans the kids. Or, if you have a wife like me that would rather just have some peace and quiet at home, take the kids out for a few hours. As mothers, we sometimes forget how to take care of ourselves, claim some "Me Time". It's a wonderful thing, and will mean so much, I promise!!
#4 Listen. "Put your listening ears on", it's one of my favorite Judge Judy sayings. Recently, I was trying to explain to Maverick what listening really was. Listening isn't being quiet until it's your turn to speak. Listening is, well, listening. It is focusing on what the person is saying, watching their face, catching the inflection of certain words. It's not projecting what you think they are saying, it's trying to understand exactly what they are saying. Listen with your heart, stop for a moment and just let your partner say what they need to say without reacting, or offering advise. Don't try to fix it, or change their mind, or defend yourself, or justify an action. Just listen. Again, Rule #1 comes into play...see, it's a good rule. Know, that if you partner comes to you and says "I need to talk to you", you should give them the floor. Don't decide you need to talk too, just listen. Your turn is coming up! (Rule #8).
#5 Say I love you. "Those three words, are said too much, but not enough". No truer words. We can say I love you a million times a day, and I do times four. I love you when someone is off to school or work, I love you when I'm getting off the phone (with my mom or MJ, not the DirecTV operator, just to be clear), I love you before I tuck in the boys and turn off the light. It's said back to me, I hear it, I know that we all love each other and we like to tell each other. But you know what? Nothing beats when you walk up to someone, look them in the eye, and tell them you love them. It takes all of two seconds, and in that moment, there's that connected feeling, like the whole world just stopped. It's such an important thing to feel that connection, especially when life is just flying by, you go one way, they go the other. But we really should stop and smell the roses from time to time. Make time, even if it's just a second, to say I love you, from the heart.
#6 Don't bring yesterday into today. "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath". You don't have to believe in God, or the Bible, to heed this advise. I use to spend days and days being mad. Oh, I can hold a grudge, let me tell ya! But there comes a time, when you can't even remember why you're mad in the first place, that it seems silly. Life really is too short. Why spend more than one day being mad? Isn't being happy the goal? So, decide to wake up with a clean slate. That is not to say become a door mat, if something needs to be addressed, the by all means do so! But don't bring the anger with you, check it at the door. Anger masks what the true feeling is, it also makes the person it is directed toward very likely to become defensive. If someone said something that offended you, hurt your feelers, made you sad, then tell them. "What you said, made me feel fill in the blank". Now, when you hear that phrase, put on your listening ears!! So you didn't mean to make them feel that way, or that's not how you meant it to come out, or you were being passive aggressive and wanted them to feel just that...Don't make an excuse for it, or justify it, listen, apologize if you need to, let it go. Don't ruin today, with the rubbish of yesterday.
#7 Keep it in the family. No, that's not what I mean!! When you marry someone, you marry their family, there is no way around that short of moving far far away. But, good or bad, family is family. Through trial and error, I have found that it works best when we deal with our own family. There are rules of engagement with one's family that come from years and years of experience. Certain things are done a certain way, period. And who better to navigate those waters than someone in the family! As a couple, it should be decide between you, what your boundaries are, what your traditions will be, how you will do things. Then, when the time comes, you explain to your family how things will be. Never, ever, EVER send an in-law in to break the news that somethings changing! Death.sentence. Further, if an in-law steps on your toes, talk to your spouse about it. Don't take it upon yourself to confront your in-law, that typically makes things worse, not better. Trust that your spouse will address the problem, if it indeed is a problem. And spouse, if it's that bothersome to your partner you might want to address it with your family. We must remember, that no matter how we see someone else's family, they probably love them as much as we love ours. So be respectful, be polite, make peace whenever possible. Remember, your goal is to make your spouse happy, so suck it up if you must, it's worth it.
#8 Take turns. Yes, this is in the right list, though it's something I tell my boys all.the.time. But why shouldn't it apply to adults in relationships? There are times that our spouse will drive us right to the edge. Example: I am the worlds worst, side seat driver. For the life of me, I can't keep my mouth shut and not tell MJ how to drive, where to park, which lane to be in. It's stupid, yet uncontrollable. There are times, when I actively try to not say anything, I think I've done it twice. And there have been times, that MJ has not scowled at me, or stopped in the middle of a parking lot to ask if I wanted to drive. (LOL) See, we take turns. I try not to drive him crazy, and he tries to quell my anxiety by parking where I tell him to. Some days are better than others...Take turns being the one to overlook something that typically bothers you. Try to understand that those little things that bug us come from anxiety our spouse is experiencing. Also, don't forget to curb that anxiety, deal with it in a way other than becoming annoying to your spouse.
#9 No ambushing!!! I had a rule with one of my best friends a long time ago. If we had a problem, we dealt with it right then. We didn't hang on to it for months, then get in a tiff about whatever, and ambush each other with "well 4 months ago you did xyz". It was a good rule, and it's still a good rule. You know, if something pisses you off, don't wait to mention it. If it makes you really angry, maybe wait until the urge to beat your spouse with a bat subsides...but don't wait until it builds up and boils over into something totally unrelated! And remember, just because you need to vent, doesn't mean you can just emotionally vomit on your partner. Don't bring up every grievance you have had since 2009. Oh, and omit "you never" from your vocabulary and thought process. It is a must for a successful relationship.
# 10 Do your best. When you go to work, you do your best. When you go to school, you do your best. When you make dinner, you do (try) your best. When we go out into the world, we do our best. So, what is the difference when you walk through the front door of your home? Home is where we should focus our "best" the most. There are actually people that care, and would benefit more from that best than work, school or strangers. There is no excuse for being the best partner/spouse/husband/wife you can be every day. None. Relationships need to be top priority, God, Family, Friends...the rest. The person you lay next to in bed at night is the most important person in your life. Do they know that? Do they feel that? This isn't about becoming a performing monkey and doing tricks every day. It's about getting the most you can out of your marriage by giving it your best.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
House Rules
My house, my rules. How many times did you hear that growing up? Well, it's official, I've turned into my parents!! And I've found, there are worse things to become...
Growing up, there wasn't a list of rules for me to follow, well, unless you count the Ten Commandments. Looking back, I wouldn't consider my parents strict, exactly, as a teenager I thought they were horrible!! But as an adult, they kept me out of trouble, more trouble I should say, because I found plenty even on the short leash they kept me on.
My house, growing up, was pretty laid back. We were far from stuffy, it was a home, not just a house. It was my safe haven from the (sometimes) cruel realities of the "real" world. Even when I got in trouble, say, at school, I didn't dread going home. There would be punishment for doing something wrong, of course, but it would be fair and much to my chagrin I knew it was fair. Do the crime, pay the time. Stupid logic, it sucked having it as a teen. But no matter how much trouble I might be in, I knew one thing wouldn't change, my parents would still love me. They would listen to me, try to understand where I was coming from, sometimes failing...They did a great job, I can only hope I'm doing as well.
It is my belief that home should be where one can relax. There's nothing more inviting after a long days work than to come home and not feel like you have to perform. As an adult, we all get that. But what about the kids?? Don't they, too, have the right to have the same kind of place? I think they do, and I'm trying to find the balance (with three boys, it's sometimes hard!!!). Never do I want my house to be a place my children avoid. You know those adults that never seem to spend a lot of time at their parent's house?? Ever wonder why?? Our memory of home stays with us forever. It's either something you gravitate towards, or you avoid like the plague!!
With three boys, nothing is easy. Ever. It's always something. I couldn't be more easy going, really. That has been something I've had to work on, not being so easy going...because really, when the patients run the asylum, things go south quickly. So, I've tried to come up with some basic rules. Pretty simple, and clear. I will print these and display them in the house, so everyone can remember them. These are FAMILY rules, not just rules for the kiddos. The greatest influence we have on our children is not from what we say, it's what we do. Actions speak louder than words.
Be nice. Really, is it that hard?? Do unto others, turn the other cheek, if you don't have anything nice to say, DO.NOT.SAY.ANYTHING.
Be helpful to each other. You know, if everyone came home and just did nothing, what do you think would happen? "But it's not my job"...blah blah blah. If you live in a house, it's your job to be helpful. Mom vent: It's not just mom's job to keep the house going. She does the majority of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, paying bills. Would it really kill you to put any dirty dishes you have, or see, in the dishwasher?? Wait, you say the dishwasher is full of clean dishes?? Un.load.it. There is nothing that will drive a mom/wife/woman over the edge than walking into the kitchen to find an empty dishwasher and dirty dishes sitting on the counter. Seriously, open the dish washer, insert dirty dish. It probably takes less time than it did for me to type that sentence. A mess doesn't have to be made by you for you to clean it up. When you see something that needs to be done, do it. Why are you waiting for someone else to do it?? If it's your house, it's your job.
Clean up after yourself. If you can't seem to help each other...then just focus on you. Put dirty clothes IN the dirty clothes hamper. Wash out the sink after you brush your teeth (or shave) in it. Can I stress enough to put your dishes in the dishwasher?? No, I can't. If you brought it out of your room, take it back to your room. If you can't find it in you to help others, just don't add to the mess/chaos.
Shirts on at the dinner table. I don't really need to elaborate on this one do I?
Yes, not what. (Ma'am and sir are optional). Yes is so much nicer, it really is. I have a sing-song yes, it makes me appear to have interest when you call my name. (paranoid) I like to think you have interest when I call your name! When I tell you to do something, respond. Again, yes/yes ma'am/ok/sure are all acceptable, but say them so people can hear you! If you are on the couch, and I am in the kitchen, if you nod (yes or no) I can't hear your head rattle!
Say someone's name one time. If they don't respond in 5 minutes, you may say it again. Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? GAH!!! There is a reason I'm not responding, you will have to trust me on this. If your brother doesn't answer you, he's probably ignoring you, so just stop trying. The dog doesn't like you, and saying his name a gazillion times will not make him come closer to you. Sorry. And William, I can listen to you without actually having to look at you. When someone says "Yes William", start talking. We don't have to make eye contact with you to hear you. Mav, that goes for you too.
Do NOT use foul language. Honestly, this is for the adults. Children listen to your every word, especially the bad ones. If you don't want your child dropping the F-bomb in front of Great Aunt Ida, don't use that word anywhere your children can hear it. Trust me on this one. Kids want to be like their role models, that's just how it works. If they see you using bad language, they will see nothing wrong with it. Even when you tell them you can because you're an "adult", if it's wrong, it's wrong. There are plenty of other descriptive words we adults can use. Take the time to find those other words and save Aunt Ida from fainting, she's old and she might break a hip if she falls.
Do not lie. My mother has some sort of magic, I can't lie to her. It's annoying, though I've gotten better at it as an adult (paranoid). Thankfully, I don't need to lie to her, but the ability would have been nice when I was a teenager! She gave me very sage advice once, I shall share it with you. She said, never put a child in the position to lie to you. Say you catch your angel child with a face covered in chocolate, you ask said angel child if they've been eating Mama's chocolate that is stashed in her night-stand. Well, in their little brain it makes total sense to say no. Seriously, fess up vs deny deny deny? No brainer. See, until children get older, they think when they lie, you will take their word for it. Similar to how when they put the covers over their head they are rendered invisible. So, when you simply as why they ate Mama's stash of chocolate in the night-stand, they are forced to either a) tell you, or b) stand there looking like a deer in the headlights. That is the magic. Since they still think they can become invisible, they will also think you know everything some sort of telepathy. It's great!
So instead of ten, I've made eight. Ten might just put the boys over the edge! They can deal with eight, eight is totally do-able. I think I'll print them out, have them sign them and put them on the fridge. We have a marble system, one marble = 30 minutes computer time, so each broken rule will cost a marble. LOVE the marble system!! Makes my life easy, I like easy. These rules, in black and white, will make life easy as well. Kids like to know what's expected of them, I like a list I can refer to. This seems like a win win for us! We shall see over dinner...
Growing up, there wasn't a list of rules for me to follow, well, unless you count the Ten Commandments. Looking back, I wouldn't consider my parents strict, exactly, as a teenager I thought they were horrible!! But as an adult, they kept me out of trouble, more trouble I should say, because I found plenty even on the short leash they kept me on.
My house, growing up, was pretty laid back. We were far from stuffy, it was a home, not just a house. It was my safe haven from the (sometimes) cruel realities of the "real" world. Even when I got in trouble, say, at school, I didn't dread going home. There would be punishment for doing something wrong, of course, but it would be fair and much to my chagrin I knew it was fair. Do the crime, pay the time. Stupid logic, it sucked having it as a teen. But no matter how much trouble I might be in, I knew one thing wouldn't change, my parents would still love me. They would listen to me, try to understand where I was coming from, sometimes failing...They did a great job, I can only hope I'm doing as well.
It is my belief that home should be where one can relax. There's nothing more inviting after a long days work than to come home and not feel like you have to perform. As an adult, we all get that. But what about the kids?? Don't they, too, have the right to have the same kind of place? I think they do, and I'm trying to find the balance (with three boys, it's sometimes hard!!!). Never do I want my house to be a place my children avoid. You know those adults that never seem to spend a lot of time at their parent's house?? Ever wonder why?? Our memory of home stays with us forever. It's either something you gravitate towards, or you avoid like the plague!!
With three boys, nothing is easy. Ever. It's always something. I couldn't be more easy going, really. That has been something I've had to work on, not being so easy going...because really, when the patients run the asylum, things go south quickly. So, I've tried to come up with some basic rules. Pretty simple, and clear. I will print these and display them in the house, so everyone can remember them. These are FAMILY rules, not just rules for the kiddos. The greatest influence we have on our children is not from what we say, it's what we do. Actions speak louder than words.
Be nice. Really, is it that hard?? Do unto others, turn the other cheek, if you don't have anything nice to say, DO.NOT.SAY.ANYTHING.
Be helpful to each other. You know, if everyone came home and just did nothing, what do you think would happen? "But it's not my job"...blah blah blah. If you live in a house, it's your job to be helpful. Mom vent: It's not just mom's job to keep the house going. She does the majority of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, paying bills. Would it really kill you to put any dirty dishes you have, or see, in the dishwasher?? Wait, you say the dishwasher is full of clean dishes?? Un.load.it. There is nothing that will drive a mom/wife/woman over the edge than walking into the kitchen to find an empty dishwasher and dirty dishes sitting on the counter. Seriously, open the dish washer, insert dirty dish. It probably takes less time than it did for me to type that sentence. A mess doesn't have to be made by you for you to clean it up. When you see something that needs to be done, do it. Why are you waiting for someone else to do it?? If it's your house, it's your job.
Clean up after yourself. If you can't seem to help each other...then just focus on you. Put dirty clothes IN the dirty clothes hamper. Wash out the sink after you brush your teeth (or shave) in it. Can I stress enough to put your dishes in the dishwasher?? No, I can't. If you brought it out of your room, take it back to your room. If you can't find it in you to help others, just don't add to the mess/chaos.
Shirts on at the dinner table. I don't really need to elaborate on this one do I?
Yes, not what. (Ma'am and sir are optional). Yes is so much nicer, it really is. I have a sing-song yes, it makes me appear to have interest when you call my name. (paranoid) I like to think you have interest when I call your name! When I tell you to do something, respond. Again, yes/yes ma'am/ok/sure are all acceptable, but say them so people can hear you! If you are on the couch, and I am in the kitchen, if you nod (yes or no) I can't hear your head rattle!
Say someone's name one time. If they don't respond in 5 minutes, you may say it again. Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? GAH!!! There is a reason I'm not responding, you will have to trust me on this. If your brother doesn't answer you, he's probably ignoring you, so just stop trying. The dog doesn't like you, and saying his name a gazillion times will not make him come closer to you. Sorry. And William, I can listen to you without actually having to look at you. When someone says "Yes William", start talking. We don't have to make eye contact with you to hear you. Mav, that goes for you too.
Do NOT use foul language. Honestly, this is for the adults. Children listen to your every word, especially the bad ones. If you don't want your child dropping the F-bomb in front of Great Aunt Ida, don't use that word anywhere your children can hear it. Trust me on this one. Kids want to be like their role models, that's just how it works. If they see you using bad language, they will see nothing wrong with it. Even when you tell them you can because you're an "adult", if it's wrong, it's wrong. There are plenty of other descriptive words we adults can use. Take the time to find those other words and save Aunt Ida from fainting, she's old and she might break a hip if she falls.
Do not lie. My mother has some sort of magic, I can't lie to her. It's annoying, though I've gotten better at it as an adult (paranoid). Thankfully, I don't need to lie to her, but the ability would have been nice when I was a teenager! She gave me very sage advice once, I shall share it with you. She said, never put a child in the position to lie to you. Say you catch your angel child with a face covered in chocolate, you ask said angel child if they've been eating Mama's chocolate that is stashed in her night-stand. Well, in their little brain it makes total sense to say no. Seriously, fess up vs deny deny deny? No brainer. See, until children get older, they think when they lie, you will take their word for it. Similar to how when they put the covers over their head they are rendered invisible. So, when you simply as why they ate Mama's stash of chocolate in the night-stand, they are forced to either a) tell you, or b) stand there looking like a deer in the headlights. That is the magic. Since they still think they can become invisible, they will also think you know everything some sort of telepathy. It's great!
So instead of ten, I've made eight. Ten might just put the boys over the edge! They can deal with eight, eight is totally do-able. I think I'll print them out, have them sign them and put them on the fridge. We have a marble system, one marble = 30 minutes computer time, so each broken rule will cost a marble. LOVE the marble system!! Makes my life easy, I like easy. These rules, in black and white, will make life easy as well. Kids like to know what's expected of them, I like a list I can refer to. This seems like a win win for us! We shall see over dinner...
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Forgive Me
It has been 168 days since my last blog. I am sure ALL of you have been waiting on pins and needles...whom ever ALL is...
Today is a day to write down, it is the first day, in (does more math) 7 years, 3 months and 13 days that I have been home alone. Well, kinda.
For over 10 years, I have been a full time, stay at home, mom. Austin, my oldest is 10 (almost 11!). When he was 2.5 he went to Mother's Day Out for two hours twice a week in the Spring. He started Montessori school at 3.5 and went from 9AM to 2PM five days a week. Then, Mav was born May 10, 2004, thus began my run of full time mom. A couple of years later, my wonderful surprise, William, was born. Austin had moved on to Kindergarten, Mav was still "little" and at home with me. So now, I had one in school and two at home.
Two years later, Mav started Pre-k for half a day, so I was down to one child at home. Which, as those of you that have multiples know, one is more time consuming than two. With two, they have each other, with one, they want you. It was actually nice, because William being my youngest, I'd not had the opportunity to have just me and him time. Austin got the most Mama Time, Mav had his fair share, but William had always shared his time with me with at least one of The Brothers. So I enjoyed my one-on-one time with William. He missed his brothers, a lot, and looked forward to them coming home from school. It was hardest when Mav started Kinder because he was gone ALL day. William spent a lot of time asking when The Brothers would be home.
Last year, William started Pre-K. He was thrilled!! He got to ride the bus to school and home from school with The Brothers!! He was big now! Of course, he was still my baby...but I tried to keep that quiet. William had a crash course in telling time last year. And I have to admit, I failed. From the time he woke up, it was "It's time to go to school", "No son, it's 7:30AM, The Brothers just left, you won't go until 11AM. That's when the bus comes". Every.single.day.
I have been looking forward to this time, with both excitement and dread. The whole Summer, in the back of my mind, I knew they would all start school. My stoic 10 year old, who is already a Tween with loads of angst and self doubt, is starting 5th Grade. The sweetest little blue eyed boy evah!, 7 year old Maverick started 2nd Grade full of wonder and excitement. And William, my baby, who has been asking how many days 'til school for about two weeks, is in Kinder. From 7AM until 3PM, they will not be in this house. It's quiet. And I'm somewhat lost.
For over 10 years, I have defined myself as full time mom. Now, I find myself full time mom, with eight hours of child free time. EEK!! I am beginning to realize I'm going to miss them. Before, I didn't have time to miss them!! I felt "on" all the time, and, honestly, it was hard some days. Being at work, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, well, few people know how that feels. Mom's don't get sick days, we don't get vacation time, we don't get lunch breaks or even 15 minute breaks for that matter. If you have little one's at home, unless you lock the bathroom door behind you, you have no free time. It is not a job any of us would change, no matter what the salary. But don't think, for a second, it's "easy". We don't sit at home all day, on the couch, eating bonbons and watching Oprah. Our job is just as taxing as those of you that go to work, we are at work, but we actually never leave...We can't leave work at the office, it's here, with us, all the time.
So, today, after 2661 days of being full time mom, I get a break for eight hours. I say that and laugh, now I get to be a maid, chef and dog keeper...But today, I'm going to sit, and try not to cry, about my boys growing up. Suddenly, I realize they are! And damnit, they are all doing it at the same time!! What.the.hell??? Suddenly I don't want to spend all day crocheting, or knitting, or sitting on the couch eating bonbons and watching Oprah!! I want them all to be little again, at home, bugging the ever loving daylights out of me. Demanding my time, asking for a bizillion goldfish, or something to drink. Saying they are hungry...just not for what I have for them to eat. Crawling up next to me, leaning their head on my shoulder, and just being near me. That's what I want. Today, at least...I can TOTALLY get use to this Home Alone thing!! Just give me a second while I ugly cry...
Today is a day to write down, it is the first day, in (does more math) 7 years, 3 months and 13 days that I have been home alone. Well, kinda.
For over 10 years, I have been a full time, stay at home, mom. Austin, my oldest is 10 (almost 11!). When he was 2.5 he went to Mother's Day Out for two hours twice a week in the Spring. He started Montessori school at 3.5 and went from 9AM to 2PM five days a week. Then, Mav was born May 10, 2004, thus began my run of full time mom. A couple of years later, my wonderful surprise, William, was born. Austin had moved on to Kindergarten, Mav was still "little" and at home with me. So now, I had one in school and two at home.
Two years later, Mav started Pre-k for half a day, so I was down to one child at home. Which, as those of you that have multiples know, one is more time consuming than two. With two, they have each other, with one, they want you. It was actually nice, because William being my youngest, I'd not had the opportunity to have just me and him time. Austin got the most Mama Time, Mav had his fair share, but William had always shared his time with me with at least one of The Brothers. So I enjoyed my one-on-one time with William. He missed his brothers, a lot, and looked forward to them coming home from school. It was hardest when Mav started Kinder because he was gone ALL day. William spent a lot of time asking when The Brothers would be home.
Last year, William started Pre-K. He was thrilled!! He got to ride the bus to school and home from school with The Brothers!! He was big now! Of course, he was still my baby...but I tried to keep that quiet. William had a crash course in telling time last year. And I have to admit, I failed. From the time he woke up, it was "It's time to go to school", "No son, it's 7:30AM, The Brothers just left, you won't go until 11AM. That's when the bus comes". Every.single.day.
I have been looking forward to this time, with both excitement and dread. The whole Summer, in the back of my mind, I knew they would all start school. My stoic 10 year old, who is already a Tween with loads of angst and self doubt, is starting 5th Grade. The sweetest little blue eyed boy evah!, 7 year old Maverick started 2nd Grade full of wonder and excitement. And William, my baby, who has been asking how many days 'til school for about two weeks, is in Kinder. From 7AM until 3PM, they will not be in this house. It's quiet. And I'm somewhat lost.
For over 10 years, I have defined myself as full time mom. Now, I find myself full time mom, with eight hours of child free time. EEK!! I am beginning to realize I'm going to miss them. Before, I didn't have time to miss them!! I felt "on" all the time, and, honestly, it was hard some days. Being at work, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, well, few people know how that feels. Mom's don't get sick days, we don't get vacation time, we don't get lunch breaks or even 15 minute breaks for that matter. If you have little one's at home, unless you lock the bathroom door behind you, you have no free time. It is not a job any of us would change, no matter what the salary. But don't think, for a second, it's "easy". We don't sit at home all day, on the couch, eating bonbons and watching Oprah. Our job is just as taxing as those of you that go to work, we are at work, but we actually never leave...We can't leave work at the office, it's here, with us, all the time.
So, today, after 2661 days of being full time mom, I get a break for eight hours. I say that and laugh, now I get to be a maid, chef and dog keeper...But today, I'm going to sit, and try not to cry, about my boys growing up. Suddenly, I realize they are! And damnit, they are all doing it at the same time!! What.the.hell??? Suddenly I don't want to spend all day crocheting, or knitting, or sitting on the couch eating bonbons and watching Oprah!! I want them all to be little again, at home, bugging the ever loving daylights out of me. Demanding my time, asking for a bizillion goldfish, or something to drink. Saying they are hungry...just not for what I have for them to eat. Crawling up next to me, leaning their head on my shoulder, and just being near me. That's what I want. Today, at least...I can TOTALLY get use to this Home Alone thing!! Just give me a second while I ugly cry...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Before and After
What to write, what to write. So much for "every day". Ah well, moving on.
Google is my friend, I LOVE the Google!! I love the fact that I can have a thought, run to the computer, type in said thought and presto magic, I have my answer!! Here's how it worked this time:
I am on Facebook, on the right I notice a couple of my friends "like" Nikki Sixx (um, who doesn't??). Seeing that, makes me wonder, again, "Hmm, I wonder what happen with him and Kat von D" ~scratches head pondering~. Oh look The Google!! I type in "why did nikki sixx and kat von d break up", 63,400 results!! Just so you know, they took the high road and aren't dishing the dirt. Bor.ing.
As I was reading the comments below the article, on meanie say "Wonder if he was mad at her botched plastic surgery"? (One said it's because she's too old now, LOL). Of course botched plastic surgery led to my next Google, "kat von d before and after". So, I ended up here, and that gave me the idea for my musings today!!
My first thought after looking at those pictures (you did look at the pictures right???), was "Good Maude, step away from the plastic surgery"!! My second was how sad it is that people do not seem to believe in aging with grace. Plus, the more money you have, the worse the plastic surgery decisions get, apparently! Seriously, just, NO. There is a lot to be said about natural beauty, even simply enhancing that beauty with a bit of make-up. But some of the things women (and men) do in the name of beauty are just beyond me. Why can they not look in the mirror and see the beauty that's already there?! Really, everyone is beautiful in their own way (isn't that a song??), some need a little more tweekin' than others, but again, that is what make-up is for!! (Sorry ugly men, can't help you).
A few years ago, I kind of freaked out about the whole aging thing. I caught myself looking at 20somethings and "remembering when" I looked like a 20something. It really was a miserable time, though one of the good things about me is I always try to find the positive in everything. So what exactly is positive about aging?? What is so fantastic about wrinkles? Body parts moving South? Grey hair? I will share with you what I think makes them so great.
When I look at myself in the mirror, one of the first things I see is this deep crease between my eyes. I squint, a lot. But every time I see that crease, I try to remember some of the things I have seen that has made that crease so visible. The crows feet and laugh lines, show just how much I have laughed in life thus far. Sagging breasts fed three children that I love with all my heart. (Ok, honestly, I can.not think of a positive for the derriere going South, or getting wider, gah!!!). I actually look forward to my hair changing to grey, but I'm hoping it goes white!! I love older women that have beautiful white hair! I have been on this Earth almost 40 years, and I will probably be here a while longer. I could sit and focus on the negative things about "getting old", but I really have no desire to do that for another 25+ years.
Think of life as a journey and your body is a map. Each line and grey hair comes from a moment in time, some good some bad. If you had not laugh lines, it would come at a great price don't you think?? To each his own and all that, but I really admire people who just age and not fight it every step of the way. If we are very lucky, we have people in our lives that don't care that we are aging. They won't suddenly love us less because we are 40something and not 20something.
So who is with me? Let's make a pact, "I promise to grow old with grace. I will not do stupid procedures trying to recapture my youth. And I will smack my friends that get off track". So it is said, so it is written.
Before:
Google is my friend, I LOVE the Google!! I love the fact that I can have a thought, run to the computer, type in said thought and presto magic, I have my answer!! Here's how it worked this time:
I am on Facebook, on the right I notice a couple of my friends "like" Nikki Sixx (um, who doesn't??). Seeing that, makes me wonder, again, "Hmm, I wonder what happen with him and Kat von D" ~scratches head pondering~. Oh look The Google!! I type in "why did nikki sixx and kat von d break up", 63,400 results!! Just so you know, they took the high road and aren't dishing the dirt. Bor.ing.
As I was reading the comments below the article, on meanie say "Wonder if he was mad at her botched plastic surgery"? (One said it's because she's too old now, LOL). Of course botched plastic surgery led to my next Google, "kat von d before and after". So, I ended up here, and that gave me the idea for my musings today!!
My first thought after looking at those pictures (you did look at the pictures right???), was "Good Maude, step away from the plastic surgery"!! My second was how sad it is that people do not seem to believe in aging with grace. Plus, the more money you have, the worse the plastic surgery decisions get, apparently! Seriously, just, NO. There is a lot to be said about natural beauty, even simply enhancing that beauty with a bit of make-up. But some of the things women (and men) do in the name of beauty are just beyond me. Why can they not look in the mirror and see the beauty that's already there?! Really, everyone is beautiful in their own way (isn't that a song??), some need a little more tweekin' than others, but again, that is what make-up is for!! (Sorry ugly men, can't help you).
A few years ago, I kind of freaked out about the whole aging thing. I caught myself looking at 20somethings and "remembering when" I looked like a 20something. It really was a miserable time, though one of the good things about me is I always try to find the positive in everything. So what exactly is positive about aging?? What is so fantastic about wrinkles? Body parts moving South? Grey hair? I will share with you what I think makes them so great.
When I look at myself in the mirror, one of the first things I see is this deep crease between my eyes. I squint, a lot. But every time I see that crease, I try to remember some of the things I have seen that has made that crease so visible. The crows feet and laugh lines, show just how much I have laughed in life thus far. Sagging breasts fed three children that I love with all my heart. (Ok, honestly, I can.not think of a positive for the derriere going South, or getting wider, gah!!!). I actually look forward to my hair changing to grey, but I'm hoping it goes white!! I love older women that have beautiful white hair! I have been on this Earth almost 40 years, and I will probably be here a while longer. I could sit and focus on the negative things about "getting old", but I really have no desire to do that for another 25+ years.
Think of life as a journey and your body is a map. Each line and grey hair comes from a moment in time, some good some bad. If you had not laugh lines, it would come at a great price don't you think?? To each his own and all that, but I really admire people who just age and not fight it every step of the way. If we are very lucky, we have people in our lives that don't care that we are aging. They won't suddenly love us less because we are 40something and not 20something.
So who is with me? Let's make a pact, "I promise to grow old with grace. I will not do stupid procedures trying to recapture my youth. And I will smack my friends that get off track". So it is said, so it is written.
Before:
After:
I would not change the after for all the befores in the world!!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Food Glorious Food
I love food! Lucky for me, I do not over love it, though my waistline might beg to differ. Food equates love in my world. When I think back to childhood, some of my fondest memories involve watching the women of my family cook. Any time the family got together, cooking, grilling, even hand churned ice cream, was involved. Recently, my aunt came in from Kentucky and I was able to cook for her and my cousin. Having a new audience reminded me just how much I love providing nourishment for people I care about. It's not "slaving" in the kitchen to me, it's pure joy.
In the Harrell family, it was a long standing tradition to have waffles, sausage and tamales on Christmas Eve. I think the story was that Granddaddy gave Grandmother a waffle iron for Christmas one year. The following year, when she was wondering what to make for Christmas Eve Dinner, she pulled out the waffle iron that she hadn't used yet and made waffles. From that day, well Eve, the Harrell's ate waffles on Christmas Eve. One year, after Granddaddy had passed away, Grandmother decided to be a little creative. We all arrived, prepared for waffles of course, only to find a casserole sitting in the middle of the table. Just think what it is like when you take a drink of what you think is coke and it turns out to be tea. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that is exactly how we felt! Grandmother didn't make casserole again for Christmas Eve Dinner.
There are two things I remember my Nana making, French Toast and Jambalaya. When I spent the night with her, French Toast was what she made for breakfast. I would sit on a little needlepoint stool at the end of the coffee table, and she would bring me two slices of French Toast slathered in butter and covered in cinnamon sugar!! I didn't realize until I was an adult that not everyone put cinnamon sugar on their French Toast, bunch of weirdos.
Another tradition, but from the Johnston side of my family, was Nana's New Year's Day Jambalaya, collard greens and black eyed peas. Oh, and don't forget the cornbread!! My mouth waters just thinking about it and I am not remotely hungry. At some point in my adulthood, I picked up the tradition, though for years I made my own version because I did not have Nana's recipe. My versions were good, but when you have a specific memory of a recipe/dish close does not count! So one can imagine my joy when my mother found the original recipe and I was able to replicate the look and taste I remember!! One of these years, I am going to get back into the tradition so mark your calendar for January 1, The Johnston House for New Year's Day Dinner! It will totally be worth it!
Now, what's for dinner??
Thursday, February 24, 2011
All Over the Place
Yesterday was not my favorite day. I was...grumpy and moody and generally annoyed with pretty much everything. Austin, my oldest, sprained his thumb the day before, and seriously, you would think we need to amputate it. I was less than sympathetic as I watched him get dressed for school. That should totally get me a "Mom of the Year" nomination. As the day progressed, my bad mood did as well. But by days end, I was actually not a horrible witch to be around, of course, that's without asking the rest of the family.
Today was, is, a new day. I was determined for this day to be better than yesterday. Well, it started off finding out the same thing that was bothering me yesterday, is still wrong today and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. While I silently flip out on the inside, I focus my energy on other things. So, that meant a trip to the library!!
I love the library. Like LOVE it!! It's like the dollar store, but even better because you don't spend money! The dollar store is a store that a person (read woman) can go and get her retail therapy for cheap. Of course, this may be below some people, I am not one of those people. Five bucks, five (albeit crappy) things and it really can satisfy that need we (read women) have to spend money to fill a void we aren't sure where or why is there. Now, for me, the library does the same thing. I guess part of it is being a book lover all my life. A book is an amazing thing. There is really no telling how many books I've purchased over my life time, hundreds and hundreds without doubt. For me, a book is almost equal to a pair of shoes. (I know, that won't compute for some of you). The second part is that I live on a fixed income, have three boys and do not have money to spend every time I need a little boost! So, to the library I go!
Here is a glimpse into my mind and how random it can be:
Cookbooks (well, weight loss cookbooks), crocheting, cleaning, photography and grammar. Now, I just have to figure out which one to open first! I think I'll start with the weight loss cookbooks...it seems my new hobby is gaining weight. It seems only JLo can pull off a JLo butt. ~sigh~ I looked at all the pictures in the rice diet book, but didn't see rice...so I am very interested to see how/where rice fits in. I read a snip-it of the Grammar Girl's book, and it satisfies the geek in me. Digital Photography got thrown in because it grabbed me as I walked by looking for the "Crochet" section. That's the one thing that irritates me, I never remember where what is in the library. It is like going to a new grocery store every time. Photography was my thing in high school, and I still love it, I just don't make time for it. Crocheting in Plain English I came across looking for a book for granny square patterns. There are so many times I read a pattern and it makes my head spin! I am hoping this book helps a bit. And for those that haven't stopped laughing, Real Simple Cleaning was just for giggles...and heck, maybe something will click (really, stop laughing).
Ok, let us zoom over here!! These are a few pictures that made me smile this morning. I love looking a pictures, old, new, mine, random pictures that belong to people I do not even know on Facebook...
This was in Lake Charles, LA. I have/had never seen one like it, and it really gave me a good laugh, before coffee even!
These are great shoes aren't they?! I was not even looking for shoes when I found mine, but I loved them and thought they were perfect eloping shoes! MJ's are hot shoes, if there are such a thing. And this is one of my favorite pictures from our wedding photographer!
MJ took this picture, he was laying right in the middle of the road!!! Crazy man. This is waaaaay out in West Texas. Spring Break 2010, I told MJ I wanted to go on a road trip...he was thinking Fredericksburg, we ended up in Big Bend.
Colorado always makes me smile. Austin asked if we could go this Summer, and I don't think we can. Makes me a bit sad.
I love this picture of us. Even though I have my typical "smile for the camera" smile, it's not a bad picture considering we are all looking in the same direction, have our eyes open and are smiling (damnit Austin, would a smile kill you?!).
There are things in our day that have the potential to ruin it. However, it's up to each of us to decide if we will let it or not. I cannot control some things and I refuse to have my whole day go to hell because of it. The sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am smiling. Life is good.
Uh-oh. I just heard the bus, that means the boys are home. EEK!!
Today was, is, a new day. I was determined for this day to be better than yesterday. Well, it started off finding out the same thing that was bothering me yesterday, is still wrong today and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. While I silently flip out on the inside, I focus my energy on other things. So, that meant a trip to the library!!
I love the library. Like LOVE it!! It's like the dollar store, but even better because you don't spend money! The dollar store is a store that a person (read woman) can go and get her retail therapy for cheap. Of course, this may be below some people, I am not one of those people. Five bucks, five (albeit crappy) things and it really can satisfy that need we (read women) have to spend money to fill a void we aren't sure where or why is there. Now, for me, the library does the same thing. I guess part of it is being a book lover all my life. A book is an amazing thing. There is really no telling how many books I've purchased over my life time, hundreds and hundreds without doubt. For me, a book is almost equal to a pair of shoes. (I know, that won't compute for some of you). The second part is that I live on a fixed income, have three boys and do not have money to spend every time I need a little boost! So, to the library I go!
Here is a glimpse into my mind and how random it can be:
Cookbooks (well, weight loss cookbooks), crocheting, cleaning, photography and grammar. Now, I just have to figure out which one to open first! I think I'll start with the weight loss cookbooks...it seems my new hobby is gaining weight. It seems only JLo can pull off a JLo butt. ~sigh~ I looked at all the pictures in the rice diet book, but didn't see rice...so I am very interested to see how/where rice fits in. I read a snip-it of the Grammar Girl's book, and it satisfies the geek in me. Digital Photography got thrown in because it grabbed me as I walked by looking for the "Crochet" section. That's the one thing that irritates me, I never remember where what is in the library. It is like going to a new grocery store every time. Photography was my thing in high school, and I still love it, I just don't make time for it. Crocheting in Plain English I came across looking for a book for granny square patterns. There are so many times I read a pattern and it makes my head spin! I am hoping this book helps a bit. And for those that haven't stopped laughing, Real Simple Cleaning was just for giggles...and heck, maybe something will click (really, stop laughing).
Ok, let us zoom over here!! These are a few pictures that made me smile this morning. I love looking a pictures, old, new, mine, random pictures that belong to people I do not even know on Facebook...
There are things in our day that have the potential to ruin it. However, it's up to each of us to decide if we will let it or not. I cannot control some things and I refuse to have my whole day go to hell because of it. The sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am smiling. Life is good.
Uh-oh. I just heard the bus, that means the boys are home. EEK!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
In Case You Wanted to Know
I play a chipper morning person on the internets. ~yawn~ In real life, not-so-much. I tolerate people in the morning, not well, but better than I use to. If you don't look at me, talk to me, touch me or stand near me, I'm ok. But if you do any of those things, especially before my first cup of coffee, well, I'm not responsible for what happens.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day wondering what I would write about today. Here's a little glimpse of how my brain works:
"Hmm, what should I write"?
"I should probably write about me a little more? So people, what people?, get a sense of who I am".
"Where should I start"?
"At the beginning of course".
"Start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start".
(Ok, so how many others have now gone into full "Sound of Music" mode??)
Alright then, a little more about me.
I was born to be a coal miners daughter. Actually, I was born to be an only child. Nothing fancy or traumatic happen in my childhood. My parents were good role models, raised me with the perfect balance of discipline and love. My life would make a rather boring movie I'm sad to say. But it has been a wonderful life. Full of ups and downs, a few sideways thrown in for good measure. I have no regrets looking back, life has been good.
This year, I will be 40. 40!! I am not freaking out, I mean, I am because I cannot believe I am 40, but not in the way most people freak out. It's more like the realization that "I am 40, wow, when did that happen". You know when you are ten, and all the adults tell you "time flies"? All I ever pictured was a clock with wings, I was ten, what did I know?? Suddenly, I realize I am an adult, no question! I have a 10, 6 and 4 year old. I have been divorced, and remarried. My father passed away. If I look at all the facts, I really am going to be 40! It's kind of exciting, because I have this illusion I will feel like a true adult! But I will not be holding my breath on that. I think the only thing I will know is that the older I get, the less I really know. There is not the same need to fit everything into a little box, I do not need a reason for something to be, some things just are. And the beauty of 40 is, that now, I have the confidence of years behind me to support the way I live my life.
Enough with the serious stuff. That's part of my charm, I am serious with an ounce of humor, or is it humorous with an ounce of seriousness? There is nothing that cannot be made better with a bit of humor. I can, and do, find humor in everything. It is a gift. Laughing is better than crying any day. Though tears are cleansing and necessary, the beauty in life is brought forth by a smile. The sound of laughter can melt the coldest of hearts. So, my goal in life is to not be so serious, always look on the bright side, spend more time smiling and laughing than worrying and being angry or sad. Works for me.
So enough about me. Oh, wait, it's a blog about being me. There's so much more, but I'm not going to cram it all into one day. Besides, I need more coffee and Master William (4) is up. His wegs(legs) hurt, must be growing! Of to put on my Mom Cape!
Have a blessed day!
Yesterday, I spent most of the day wondering what I would write about today. Here's a little glimpse of how my brain works:
"Hmm, what should I write"?
"I should probably write about me a little more? So people, what people?, get a sense of who I am".
"Where should I start"?
"At the beginning of course".
"Start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start".
(Ok, so how many others have now gone into full "Sound of Music" mode??)
Alright then, a little more about me.
I was born to be a coal miners daughter. Actually, I was born to be an only child. Nothing fancy or traumatic happen in my childhood. My parents were good role models, raised me with the perfect balance of discipline and love. My life would make a rather boring movie I'm sad to say. But it has been a wonderful life. Full of ups and downs, a few sideways thrown in for good measure. I have no regrets looking back, life has been good.
This year, I will be 40. 40!! I am not freaking out, I mean, I am because I cannot believe I am 40, but not in the way most people freak out. It's more like the realization that "I am 40, wow, when did that happen". You know when you are ten, and all the adults tell you "time flies"? All I ever pictured was a clock with wings, I was ten, what did I know?? Suddenly, I realize I am an adult, no question! I have a 10, 6 and 4 year old. I have been divorced, and remarried. My father passed away. If I look at all the facts, I really am going to be 40! It's kind of exciting, because I have this illusion I will feel like a true adult! But I will not be holding my breath on that. I think the only thing I will know is that the older I get, the less I really know. There is not the same need to fit everything into a little box, I do not need a reason for something to be, some things just are. And the beauty of 40 is, that now, I have the confidence of years behind me to support the way I live my life.
Enough with the serious stuff. That's part of my charm, I am serious with an ounce of humor, or is it humorous with an ounce of seriousness? There is nothing that cannot be made better with a bit of humor. I can, and do, find humor in everything. It is a gift. Laughing is better than crying any day. Though tears are cleansing and necessary, the beauty in life is brought forth by a smile. The sound of laughter can melt the coldest of hearts. So, my goal in life is to not be so serious, always look on the bright side, spend more time smiling and laughing than worrying and being angry or sad. Works for me.
So enough about me. Oh, wait, it's a blog about being me. There's so much more, but I'm not going to cram it all into one day. Besides, I need more coffee and Master William (4) is up. His wegs(legs) hurt, must be growing! Of to put on my Mom Cape!
Have a blessed day!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Hi, it's just me.
I've always heard about following your heart, so, I decided to try it. My passion? What makes me happy? Writing. I love to write, I just don't on a regular basis. Recently, I came across some writing I did in high school. Journal type stuff, a few short stories (I should burn!!), it made me happy to find them. This love of writing isn't new, it's always been there. If only I had figured out how to make a living off of it. Now, it will just be my hobby, well, one of them at least.
Several of my friends, both real and imaginary, have blogs. Food blogs, photography blogs, farm blogs, craft blogs, you name it, it has been thought of. It looked like a great way for me to fill my craving for writing, but what on Earth would I write about?? I have hobbies, but not one I love above all others. Nor did I have one that I really excelled in. I kind of crochet, I kind of cook, there is nothing about me that farms/gardens. So I asked myself, "Self, what is it that you do well"? The best answer I could come up with was being me, Stephanie.
This blog is my purpose. One must live every day with purpose, now, I have found mine. Do what you love, that is what I am going to do. It is a start, a beginning. Life has so much more to offer and I need to grab it before it slips by!
So, stay tuned! I am excited, there is so much I want to share, I wonder where I should start?!
Step 1: Make a Plan.
Several of my friends, both real and imaginary, have blogs. Food blogs, photography blogs, farm blogs, craft blogs, you name it, it has been thought of. It looked like a great way for me to fill my craving for writing, but what on Earth would I write about?? I have hobbies, but not one I love above all others. Nor did I have one that I really excelled in. I kind of crochet, I kind of cook, there is nothing about me that farms/gardens. So I asked myself, "Self, what is it that you do well"? The best answer I could come up with was being me, Stephanie.
This blog is my purpose. One must live every day with purpose, now, I have found mine. Do what you love, that is what I am going to do. It is a start, a beginning. Life has so much more to offer and I need to grab it before it slips by!
So, stay tuned! I am excited, there is so much I want to share, I wonder where I should start?!
Step 1: Make a Plan.
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