I'll Take Your $10!

There is no hiding the fact I like books.  It is impossible for me to imagine my life without books.  As far back as I can remember, there is a book.  I fondly remember my Papa reading to me, he'd do the voices (all different) and I can still feel myself in the book.  There is no telling how many books I've read (or heard read) in my forty-five years on this earth.  

In fact, recently I was doing a calming exercise and was told to close my eyes and envision "my happy place".  Immediately, I went to the beach, that is what I've always heard is the go-to "happy place".  Meh, not a fan of sand.  So, then I went to a green meadow...mist hovering above tall green grass...oh wait, there's flying bugs.  Bugs are distracting.  For a moment I just...sat.  Eyes closed, wondering where the heck my "happy place" was.

Quickly ditching the beach and meadow, I waited for the Super Brain to kick in.  And oh how it did.

A small room dimly lit by a flickering fire, a single wall sconce and a banker’s lamp on a large wooden desk.  Several overstuffed armchairs strategically placed, each with a small side table.  On every wall, from floor to ceiling, there were bookshelves filled with books neatly arranged.

Along with this vision were feelings of warmth, safety, calmness, and an overwhelming sense of peace.

When I was called back to reality, I found myself not wanting to leave.  “Can’t I just stay for a moment longer?”

Science Fiction and Fantasy are my genre of choice, but I will, and have, read all sorts of books.  Finance is probably my least favorite, but I’ve suffered through a few.  I read no less than five books while I was pregnant the first time, and at least one or two in the later pregnancies.  Of course, then there are the baby books, the toddler books, the adolescent books, the teen books (which are pointless unless the actual TEEN is reading them).  Books about history, picture books, and countless children’s books have lined my shelves.  Mystery, romance (blah), biographies, autobiographies, books about racehorses, and books about cats that are clans and live in a world that is actually just beyond your backyard.  I’ve read stories about the first human clans, Irish folklore, the spice trade, if the movie has a book, I’ve read the book (either before or after, doesn’t matter to me).

*Side note:  One of my favorite movies is Last of the Mohicans; never ever read the book.  Trust me.  It NEVER ties into the movie even remotely, and it’s terribly hard to read.

Poe, Hemmingway, Michener, Shakespeare, Wilder, and even Chaucer (just to say I did…) are some of the more notable authors that have graced my imagination with there beautiful gifts.  There are countless others I find equally fascinating and wonder why everyone doesn’t just love them as much as I do!

My second favorite genre is Self-Help, Learn To, Do-it-Yourself.  Learning is probably my second favorite pastime; though I wasn’t fond of school, go figure.  I have taught myself to knit and crochet, draw (well, sort of); I found the New Me in sixty days, even though it was only supposed to take twenty-one.  The 30-Days to a Clean House is gather dust…literally.  I’ve also learned to live with ADD, actually thrive with ADD.

For the last year and a half or more, my interest in books has pointed inwardly.  It has been less for entertainment, and more for understanding both others and myself.  It has been a wonderful journey, to say the very least.

Most of the books I am reading now have an accompanying spiral notebook that follows them around.  When I first began this journey of exploration, I needed a “hook”.  I like writing, even if it’s notes.  In learning how to harness the Super Brain, I found it needs something it likes to do to make doing what it doesn’t like to do more doable. Writing also helps me remember what I’ve read, could have used that little gem back in school…

Today, as I’m scrolling FaceBook, giving my hand a wrest after my morning time with God, I came across a post from a friend.  “Five Lies of” something?  I now forget.  Oh, I want to know the five lies!!  ~click~  Was an interesting read, I could see some points.  However, when I got to the end, you know, where I’m supposed to find the truth, I was left feeling a little misled.

Admittedly it was a bit annoying that this “article” was really an ad. I could find the “truth” for $10!  Great price for this guy to tell me the truth!  This of course made me laugh, and feel duped.  “Dude, I know the answers, and you ain’t the one that can give them to me and solve my problems!” is exactly what I said, out loud, to my screen.

Yes, I have read several books in the last year and a half.  I’ve written notes on hundreds of pages and gone through no less that twenty pens (the new vamped erasable pen is my FAV!!) all searching for the truth.  And I’m finding it!!

However, the truth isn’t coming from the book, or it’s author.  See, my books, all of them, are Bible based.  I know exactly where the truth comes from.  I know the best author that gives the most sage, sound, and proven-to-work advice.  And the most awesome part is that He already paid the price for me.

The whole $10 truth thing this morning made me realize something:  this is the first time I’ve read self-help books and have actually seen the change in me!  ~Insert light bulb here~ Why is that, you ask?  I will gladly tell you!  For free even!!

The truth about me, the truth about how I can overcome adversity, the truth about how to deal with conflict, the truth about taking care of myself, of loving myself, of accepting myself – there’s not a person on this planet that can give me that truth.  They don’t have that truth.  My truth, my help, comes from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

God bless every author that has used his or her gifts from Him to help guide me to Him.  God bless them for doing the research, finding the Scripture, applying the Word to their own lives and sharing their testimony with me.  To God is the glory!

Self-help, 5-Ways to Fix XYZ, The Secret of…sure, these are all great things!  Read as many as you like, matter-o-fact, please read them!!  Life, living, parenting, friendships, loving, marriage, divorce, serving, these are all complicated things!!  To think, “meh, I don’t need help, I’m good” is shortsighted. 

Never settle!  Never stop striving to be better, to do better, to help better, to love better.  If you look at your life and there is a void, I bet there’s a book that can shed some light on your situation!  But know this, if you don’t have God sitting with you while you are reading, that void will remain no matter how many times you read the words.

God wants us to help ourselves in unity with Him!  If He is not first whom you seek, you will always be thirsty and hungry, tired and lonely, searching and not finding.  There is no person on earth that can make you whole.

John 6:63

“The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing.  The words I have spoken to you – they are full of the Spirit and life.

I Am Not Worthy, I Am Loved!

I Am Not Worthy, I Am Loved!

Hebrews 12:29

…for our “God is a consuming fire.”

This season of my life is one of fire.  This little light of mine is blazing, it’s exciting and sometimes a little scary.

Let me take you back about 40 years to probably one of my first vivid memories.  I’m standing in my bathroom, looking into the mirror.  I see the little girl in the mirror, blonde disheveled hair, pudgy little cheeks, and a welt developing under her right eye, turning from red to a blue-green-blackish color.  Tears brimming, but a fierce look on her face.  I remember the feelings of that little girl; a bit confused, a bit sad, but determined!!

You see, that little girl, Stephanie Ann, had just been popped in the face with the butt of a BB gun.  ~Gasp!!~  How horrible!!  Nah, not really, it makes me chuckle and smile now.  I was on fire then too, just been out shining my little light and sharing the love of Jesus with my neighbor.  Apparently, my delivery of salvation was more than she wanted to hear?  So she rejected my words and put a period at the end of it with my very first black eye.

I could continue down that path; sharing the twists and turns of my life that molded me into the woman that stands before the mirror now.  That story will have to wait for another day…I want to talk about the woman in the mirror now.

My morning time with God now includes Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.  I love how she’s written the devotionals; they are like personal love letters from Jesus.  I can feel his loving arms wrap around me as I read the words.

This morning the letter began with “This is a time of abundance in your life.  Your cup runneth over with blessings.”  Now, honestly, I kinda balked at that.  Said out loud, “Ok, I’m just gonna have to take your word on that, Jesus”, and just kept rewriting the love letter down in my journal (I like rewriting things, it helps me internalize what I’m reading).  It talked about “plodding uphill”, I definitely related to that!!  Then it told me I was now in lush meadows (??what??), that I’m to enjoy the ease and refreshment (??double what??).  Then it talked about things that made way more sense:  guilt, not deserving to be so richly blessed.  Yeah, now that’s what I’m talking about!

After each love letter, there are relevant scriptures, I write these down too.  One stuck out, probably one of the first verses I memorized as a child.

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world (me, Stephanie Ann) that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

He had me at “so loved”, I’ve known that for forty-one years now!  Recently I was able to go back to the very place I professed my faith in Christ.  I saw the exact spot I told my mama and daddy I needed to go down to the pulpit.  The baptistery was exactly the same, and I could recall exactly what it looked like as I walked down into the water that would represent my sins being washed away.

There is something I’ve learned, and fully believe with every ounce of my being, that nothing that is put before me is by chance.  The importance of what is before me varies, and I probably over analyze a little too much?  So I had to go back to the beginning and reread “This is a time of abundance in your life”.

“Ok, God, what are you trying to tell me here?” because this has been a difficult year/month/week!!

Super Brain kicked in, love when it does that (most of the time…), and being the eternal optimist I am (and probably a LOT of help from the Holy Spirit) all of my struggles started turning into blessing!!  Perspective is everything.

This has been a difficult season of my life.  It seems like a never ending cycle of getting knocked down and getting back up only to get knocked down again.  And that’s not a pity party, it’s just life!  But…it’s a time of abundance.  I am loved so much that Jesus came to earth knowing he would suffer, be persecuted and crucified!!  If God was willing to give his only Son for me, even though I don’t deserve it, then He must be giving me struggles for a reason too, right?

Perspective is everything.  When I looked at that woman in the mirror, she is confused, a bit sad, but determined!!  She is on fire!! I was promised I would be baptized with the Holy Spirit and fire, remember?  And, I mean seriously…how can one think that being baptized with fire is in any way easy??  Of course it’s going to be difficult!  But when a potter takes an ugly lump of clay and works it into a vase, it’s really just turned into ugly clay with a shape.  It’s not until that piece of ugly clay is put into a kiln; and through the firing process becomes beautiful.

My blessings are in my struggles!  Yes I have been knocked down, and every time I get back up; not because of my own strength but because my path has brought me to a place that I know my feet will fail!  It is only by the grace of God that I have made it through.  He has carried me when I couldn’t take another step forward.  He has showed me that even though I am a sinner and I am not deserving of His love; He finds pleasure in giving it to me anyway!  O God, how great you are!

Through some of the most difficult times in my life, to date, I have leaned into Him.  My spirit has been renewed; the Holy Spirit is firing it.  It’s exciting and a little scary at the same time because it’s stirred up that four-year-old little girl’s determination to share the love of Jesus Christ.  And quite frankly, I don’t really want anymore black eyes.  Maybe I need to tweak my delivery some?  But really, all I want to do is run around and give everyone I see in pain a big hug and tell them JESUS is the answer!!  All that fear and pain you carry, He wants you to give it to Him!  Let Him carry your burdens so you can be filled by his over abundant love and peace.  He will give you rest and all you have to do is call out to Him.

It really is just that simple.  But I know how difficult it is, there have been dark days where all my hope is gone.  There have been days where all I could do was say “Jesus, I can’t do this anymore”…and then…there He is, right next to me, lifting me up in his loving arms, bringing me comfort only the Father can.

This is why I sing praise to Him.  This is why I say, “God, you are worthy!!” because I know I am not.  I don’t deserve his love, I can’t do enough to earn his love, but He loves me with no limits, I don’t have to earn it, He gives it to me and wants me to receive it!  For that, I am so grateful.  For that, I want to be his hands and feet.  I want everything I do to bring glory to Him.

Thank you, Father, for loving me even when I’m an unappreciative brat!  Forgive me when I feel I am owed your blessings, because I know if I got what I deserved some days I would come up empty and lost.  Let your love and grace pour over me so I may pour it out to others.  Help my delivery be one that is humble and only gives glory to You.  Amen.

A Side Note

A Side Note

The majority of my time and energy has been spent on sharing what I’ve discovered about being a woman, becoming a godly woman, and loving the woman God designed me to be.  I have also explained how I interpret and apply that new knowledge to being a godly wife.

My studies have been for my own personal growth, very one sided, because as they say…I can only control and change me.  However, there are two sides to this coin.  For every Scripture in the Bible that is designed to guide a woman to be a godly wife, there are also Scriptures for men to guide them to be godly husbands.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:21 Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That last Scripture is very essential to what I’ve been saying about being a godly wife.  It’s also a bit of reprieve for those wives feeling a bit overwhelmed by my recent posts.  This Scripture doesn’t change our responsibility, nor does it give us pass to disobey God’s command for a wife.  What it does do is show me that God’s plan for marriage is fair and just.

It seems there has been this illusion created that marriage is, or should be, easy.  Maybe all those fairytales where the last sentence is almost always, “and they lived happily ever after”, attributed to that skewed view?  I think we would be better served if we caught a glimpse of Prince Charming and Snow White seven years in, with a few children, a mortgage, couple of car payments, forty plus hour workweeks, bills…You know, reality!

Marriage is by no means easy.  Is it simple?  Ha!  The concept of marriage is simple; God even maps it out for us:

Ephesians 5:22-30 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, the she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Simple enough, right?  If only!!  What complicates this perfectly designed plan is that we live in a fallen world.  We are sinners and our spouses are sinners.  That is why God must always come first.  “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.” (Matthew 6:33).  While God’s plan is good, it is only possible through Him.  If we try to white-knuckle through it ourselves, it’s really pointless.

When there is a plan laid out for two people, both parties must be working on the same plan!  Each has to be doing their part or the wheels just fall off.  Sure, the cart can roll down the path a bit on three wheels, but that third wheel is gonna fall off at some point.  Which puts an enormous amount of stress on the remaining two wheels, and they might make it for a while…But the weight of the cart wasn’t designed to be carried on two wheels, those wheels will quickly become worn down and eventually fall off too.

This marriage thing, it was designed by God therefore it is perfect.  It’s the participants that are imperfect.   For this plan to work in it’s perfection, both husbands and wives must submit to God.

I have spent a lot of time focusing on a wife’s part, because, well, I’m a wife.  But don’t think for a minute the husband doesn’t have his part to uphold!! 

Let me give a voice to what some might be thinking:  Why do I have to be the one that does all the work?  Why should I respect him if he does not love me unconditionally??  This is unfair!  I can’t do all the submitting and respecting and get nothing in return!  That’s just crazy!!! 

Those are the only the things that were right on top of my head…I encourage you to add whatever grievances I missed.  Heck, write them down!  (No really, write them down.)

Did you write them down?  Good.  Now, turn all of it over to God.  Read that list of “I can’t” and “It’s not fair” out loud to your Heavenly Father.  Read the Scriptures about a husband’s duty.  But instead of thinking, “SEE!!  He isn’t doing his part!!” know that God requires no less of your husband.  God isn’t asking you to do more; He is showing you your part.  Here’s the hard part:  You, woman, have to trust God.  Put it ALL in His hands.  Seek Him first, before you even try to respect your husband, because your husband is going to fail.  If your faith is in your husband’s ability to love you unconditionally, he will fail you.  God will not.  Without God you won’t be able to fulfill what Scripture commands, you will fail.

With that said, it’s not my job to tell my husband how to do his job, that’s between my husband and God.  My husband’s actions do not change what God has called me (a wife) to do.  It will be easier if my husband has a willing spirit.  I will be more inspired to respect him if I feel loved, unconditionally, by him.  I’m not saying just lump it if your husband isn’t meeting your needs!  I am saying trust God.

Every commandment, every instruction in the Bible has a purpose.  The Bible is designed as a guide for us to “get” what God wants for us.  God wants for us to know him.  Everything He commands us to do brings us closer to Him!  He will give us wings like eagles if we wait for Him.  He is faithful, He is mighty, He is all knowing, and all-powerful!!  We have direct access to that, through the Holy Spirit.  So trust in Him, submit to Him, and watch His glory unfold.

It's Really Simple

Part III:

It’s Really Simple

In Part I:  It’s Okay To Be a Woman; my hope is I conveyed the importance of embracing the woman God created you to be.  There was a cool quote that came across my FaceBook feed, “Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what mend can do, that women are loosing their uniqueness.  Women weren’t created to do everything a man can do.  Women were created to do everything a man can’t do.”, no idea who said it, but I still think it qualifies as a quote?  It really spoke to me because it says so much more than what you read at face value.

Genesis 1:26  “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them”.

 You catch that last part there?  “Male and female”, we were both created in God’s image.  Somewhere along the line women drank the Kool-Aid that they were “less than” a man.  I bet there are some women that will immediately say “Well that’s because men believe that and treat us like we are!!”  If some said you were purple, would you just start thinking you were purple?  Just because someone says something, doesn’t make it true.  That is why it is so important we women start loving ourselves based on what we know about who we are!!  Stop competing with men!  Heck, stop competing with other women!!  The only person you should compete with, and try to be better than, was the woman you were yesterday!

The next step, Part II:  Wives, Submit to God; I put a different spin on this whole submitting thing.  If we omit the God part, all we see is “submit to your husband” and that just rubs a lot of us the wrong way (me included).  I have to admit, as I was writing Part II, I had a light bulb moment.  “Ohhhhhh, submit to God??  Heck, I can do that!!”  Matter of fact, I want to do that!  My entire life has proven that when I’m obedient to God, and follow the Word, life is just…simple.

As I started trying to get my head around the concept of submitting, my thoughts shifted to my boys.  I’ve always said, and stand by it to this day; having children made me a better person.  You don’t even have to have children to understand the parallel of submission and children.

Have you ever been in line, on an airplane, at a family function, sitting in the park, having dinner in a restaurant, and a child starts to interact with you?  Surely you’ve experiences at least one of these things:

1.    Child pops their head up over the seat in front of you, then immediately hides back behind the seat.  Slowly, they pop their head up again.  This time, you say “Boo”, child smiles, you smile, and child hides again.  You do this twenty more times.

2.   Child brings you a toy phone and hands it to you.  You take said phone and say hello.  This turns into a five-minute phone conversation with air.

3.   Child (toddlers in particular) is accompanying you on daily errands.  It’s nap time, but you have really need to pick up a toy/gift for your older child’s friend’s birthday party tomorrow!!  The now cranky, it’s nap time, child starts getting restless so you grab a book/stuffed animal/plastic toy something (hopefully that doesn’t make noise) and had it to said child.  Now, if you’re me, it’s a cheap something, because…you know the probability of having to buy this cheap something when it’s time to leave is pretty high.  If it was my first born, cheap item goes back at check out, no big.  However, second and third born?  Yeah, cheap item goes home with us.

Guess what just happened?  Yep, that’s right, you submitted to this child.

Another insight I’ve gleaned from being a mother, especially of boys, is what lights them up. Even more revealing was having a daughter in the house for a year and seeing what lit her up.  It’s an innate ability for me to love my children and want meet their every need.  It wasn’t until I had a daughter that I became aware of the very subtle differences between sons and daughters.

My house went from all boys, to three boys and one teenage daughter overnight.  It was cool that she was a teenager, because she could articulate her needs, most of the time.  What I found was when she came to me; she wanted hugs, words of validation about her.  When the boys came to me, they might have wanted a hug, but more importantly, they wanted me to be proud of what they did.  You see the difference?

This difference was huge, and crystal clear! 

Meeting the needs of my daughter was a no brainer, just gotta love her!  Even better, she was a teenager.  She could just walk up and say “I need a hug” (I need to feel close to you, I need you to love on me) and BAM, I could do that!!  I could love on her all day, and she made it really easy too!  But there wasn’t much, that I found, that couldn’t be resolved with a hug.  I really can’t recall a time when I could see she was in needing some love, and she brought me a picture she drew (because she’s an amazing artist!!) to validate herself.  She just brought herself and without words said “I need you to just love me for who I am”.

Now, the boys are totally different.  Add that there are three of them, that’s three differents I had to figure out how to validate.  My oldest will ask for nothing.  My middle son pretty much paints me a picture.  I’ll never forget the day I got on him for not doing one chore, and he got really upset, “I forgot this one thing and you get mad.  It’s like you don’t see all the other things I do!”  His words crushed my heart.  Felt like the worst mother on the planet at that moment.  I know, without a doubt, that boy knows I love him.  But what he needed from me was to see his work, and to appreciate that work.  My youngest son’s top favorite day is Tuesday.  Why?  Because Tuesday is when he brings home his Tuesday Folder!  In that folder is all his work from the previous week.  He absolutely beams as I got through every paper and gush over how well he did.  Just this week, one project he’d done did not have an obvious grade on it, so I put it in the pile, sans gushing, and moved to the next paper.  He quietly reached over and took the paper, and as I continued to gush over all the 100s, I noticed he was holding this paper, upside down, where the 100 had been put on the back of the page.  He needed me to validate that grade, even though I was validating all the others, it was important (to him specifically) I see all of them.

Meeting the needs of my sons took a little more thought, but I was totally up for the challenge, what mother wouldn’t be?  When I started paying attention, I could see the difference in how they responded to my love, verses my approval.  Don’t get me wrong, they still need my love, but boy howdy do their faces light up when they get my approval!

I’ve even taken it a step further, because like I said my children make me a better person, by seeking the good in what they do rather than point out the bad.  This revelation, in and of itself is worthy of a totally different discussion!  But to keep on track, I found the key to motivating them to do more of what I want was validating the good I saw in them.

Ok, game time!!  Every played “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”?  Well, this is kind of like that, except it’s with a word, and I did it in less than six degrees.  Validating the good I see in the boys shows them I approve of who they are, and I admire them for their efforts.  Want to know what another word for admire is?  Respect.  Ergo, to validate ultimately shows respect.  And that, respect, motivated my boys more than my love.

Let’s pull this all together now!!  What are men?  Well, they are grown boys.  So…what do you think motivates men?  Ding!  Ding!  Absolutely right, respect!  Yes, love is good and needed, but respect is what motivates them!  Want to know what it motivates them to do?  Love you.

Simple, right??  We see that mothers willingly show respect for their sons (well, once they figure out it motivates them), and that this is what makes sons thrive!!  So why why why why do we balk at the thought of respecting our husbands??  “Because he doesn’t deserve it!!”  Really?  Ever?? 

Let me leave you with some thoughts:

·      Do you expect your husband to love you?  Or, is it ok that he just love you when you are lovable?

·      Can you admit that you aren’t always lovable?

·      Would you feel amazing if your husband showed he loved you every single day?

·      Can you concede that it would be pretty gosh darn simple to admire (respect) a son if that’s what you knew he needed?  Even on the days he got on your last nerve?

·      Is it possible for you to put aside you own needs (for a moment), and see that little boy in the man you married that needs you to admire him?  To tap into that intuitive mothering instinct and pour it out on him?

·      Which is more important to you?  Being happy?  Or being right?  Does your need to be right stem from your own insecurities and/or baggage from the past?

Some of these questions may be pretty easy to answer, others less so.  But I encourage you to spend some time pondering, and praying, over them.  Finding the answers could be imperative to taking the next step towards a happy marriage.