A Side Note

A Side Note

The majority of my time and energy has been spent on sharing what I’ve discovered about being a woman, becoming a godly woman, and loving the woman God designed me to be.  I have also explained how I interpret and apply that new knowledge to being a godly wife.

My studies have been for my own personal growth, very one sided, because as they say…I can only control and change me.  However, there are two sides to this coin.  For every Scripture in the Bible that is designed to guide a woman to be a godly wife, there are also Scriptures for men to guide them to be godly husbands.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:21 Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That last Scripture is very essential to what I’ve been saying about being a godly wife.  It’s also a bit of reprieve for those wives feeling a bit overwhelmed by my recent posts.  This Scripture doesn’t change our responsibility, nor does it give us pass to disobey God’s command for a wife.  What it does do is show me that God’s plan for marriage is fair and just.

It seems there has been this illusion created that marriage is, or should be, easy.  Maybe all those fairytales where the last sentence is almost always, “and they lived happily ever after”, attributed to that skewed view?  I think we would be better served if we caught a glimpse of Prince Charming and Snow White seven years in, with a few children, a mortgage, couple of car payments, forty plus hour workweeks, bills…You know, reality!

Marriage is by no means easy.  Is it simple?  Ha!  The concept of marriage is simple; God even maps it out for us:

Ephesians 5:22-30 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, the she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Simple enough, right?  If only!!  What complicates this perfectly designed plan is that we live in a fallen world.  We are sinners and our spouses are sinners.  That is why God must always come first.  “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.” (Matthew 6:33).  While God’s plan is good, it is only possible through Him.  If we try to white-knuckle through it ourselves, it’s really pointless.

When there is a plan laid out for two people, both parties must be working on the same plan!  Each has to be doing their part or the wheels just fall off.  Sure, the cart can roll down the path a bit on three wheels, but that third wheel is gonna fall off at some point.  Which puts an enormous amount of stress on the remaining two wheels, and they might make it for a while…But the weight of the cart wasn’t designed to be carried on two wheels, those wheels will quickly become worn down and eventually fall off too.

This marriage thing, it was designed by God therefore it is perfect.  It’s the participants that are imperfect.   For this plan to work in it’s perfection, both husbands and wives must submit to God.

I have spent a lot of time focusing on a wife’s part, because, well, I’m a wife.  But don’t think for a minute the husband doesn’t have his part to uphold!! 

Let me give a voice to what some might be thinking:  Why do I have to be the one that does all the work?  Why should I respect him if he does not love me unconditionally??  This is unfair!  I can’t do all the submitting and respecting and get nothing in return!  That’s just crazy!!! 

Those are the only the things that were right on top of my head…I encourage you to add whatever grievances I missed.  Heck, write them down!  (No really, write them down.)

Did you write them down?  Good.  Now, turn all of it over to God.  Read that list of “I can’t” and “It’s not fair” out loud to your Heavenly Father.  Read the Scriptures about a husband’s duty.  But instead of thinking, “SEE!!  He isn’t doing his part!!” know that God requires no less of your husband.  God isn’t asking you to do more; He is showing you your part.  Here’s the hard part:  You, woman, have to trust God.  Put it ALL in His hands.  Seek Him first, before you even try to respect your husband, because your husband is going to fail.  If your faith is in your husband’s ability to love you unconditionally, he will fail you.  God will not.  Without God you won’t be able to fulfill what Scripture commands, you will fail.

With that said, it’s not my job to tell my husband how to do his job, that’s between my husband and God.  My husband’s actions do not change what God has called me (a wife) to do.  It will be easier if my husband has a willing spirit.  I will be more inspired to respect him if I feel loved, unconditionally, by him.  I’m not saying just lump it if your husband isn’t meeting your needs!  I am saying trust God.

Every commandment, every instruction in the Bible has a purpose.  The Bible is designed as a guide for us to “get” what God wants for us.  God wants for us to know him.  Everything He commands us to do brings us closer to Him!  He will give us wings like eagles if we wait for Him.  He is faithful, He is mighty, He is all knowing, and all-powerful!!  We have direct access to that, through the Holy Spirit.  So trust in Him, submit to Him, and watch His glory unfold.

It's Really Simple

Part III:

It’s Really Simple

In Part I:  It’s Okay To Be a Woman; my hope is I conveyed the importance of embracing the woman God created you to be.  There was a cool quote that came across my FaceBook feed, “Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what mend can do, that women are loosing their uniqueness.  Women weren’t created to do everything a man can do.  Women were created to do everything a man can’t do.”, no idea who said it, but I still think it qualifies as a quote?  It really spoke to me because it says so much more than what you read at face value.

Genesis 1:26  “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them”.

 You catch that last part there?  “Male and female”, we were both created in God’s image.  Somewhere along the line women drank the Kool-Aid that they were “less than” a man.  I bet there are some women that will immediately say “Well that’s because men believe that and treat us like we are!!”  If some said you were purple, would you just start thinking you were purple?  Just because someone says something, doesn’t make it true.  That is why it is so important we women start loving ourselves based on what we know about who we are!!  Stop competing with men!  Heck, stop competing with other women!!  The only person you should compete with, and try to be better than, was the woman you were yesterday!

The next step, Part II:  Wives, Submit to God; I put a different spin on this whole submitting thing.  If we omit the God part, all we see is “submit to your husband” and that just rubs a lot of us the wrong way (me included).  I have to admit, as I was writing Part II, I had a light bulb moment.  “Ohhhhhh, submit to God??  Heck, I can do that!!”  Matter of fact, I want to do that!  My entire life has proven that when I’m obedient to God, and follow the Word, life is just…simple.

As I started trying to get my head around the concept of submitting, my thoughts shifted to my boys.  I’ve always said, and stand by it to this day; having children made me a better person.  You don’t even have to have children to understand the parallel of submission and children.

Have you ever been in line, on an airplane, at a family function, sitting in the park, having dinner in a restaurant, and a child starts to interact with you?  Surely you’ve experiences at least one of these things:

1.    Child pops their head up over the seat in front of you, then immediately hides back behind the seat.  Slowly, they pop their head up again.  This time, you say “Boo”, child smiles, you smile, and child hides again.  You do this twenty more times.

2.   Child brings you a toy phone and hands it to you.  You take said phone and say hello.  This turns into a five-minute phone conversation with air.

3.   Child (toddlers in particular) is accompanying you on daily errands.  It’s nap time, but you have really need to pick up a toy/gift for your older child’s friend’s birthday party tomorrow!!  The now cranky, it’s nap time, child starts getting restless so you grab a book/stuffed animal/plastic toy something (hopefully that doesn’t make noise) and had it to said child.  Now, if you’re me, it’s a cheap something, because…you know the probability of having to buy this cheap something when it’s time to leave is pretty high.  If it was my first born, cheap item goes back at check out, no big.  However, second and third born?  Yeah, cheap item goes home with us.

Guess what just happened?  Yep, that’s right, you submitted to this child.

Another insight I’ve gleaned from being a mother, especially of boys, is what lights them up. Even more revealing was having a daughter in the house for a year and seeing what lit her up.  It’s an innate ability for me to love my children and want meet their every need.  It wasn’t until I had a daughter that I became aware of the very subtle differences between sons and daughters.

My house went from all boys, to three boys and one teenage daughter overnight.  It was cool that she was a teenager, because she could articulate her needs, most of the time.  What I found was when she came to me; she wanted hugs, words of validation about her.  When the boys came to me, they might have wanted a hug, but more importantly, they wanted me to be proud of what they did.  You see the difference?

This difference was huge, and crystal clear! 

Meeting the needs of my daughter was a no brainer, just gotta love her!  Even better, she was a teenager.  She could just walk up and say “I need a hug” (I need to feel close to you, I need you to love on me) and BAM, I could do that!!  I could love on her all day, and she made it really easy too!  But there wasn’t much, that I found, that couldn’t be resolved with a hug.  I really can’t recall a time when I could see she was in needing some love, and she brought me a picture she drew (because she’s an amazing artist!!) to validate herself.  She just brought herself and without words said “I need you to just love me for who I am”.

Now, the boys are totally different.  Add that there are three of them, that’s three differents I had to figure out how to validate.  My oldest will ask for nothing.  My middle son pretty much paints me a picture.  I’ll never forget the day I got on him for not doing one chore, and he got really upset, “I forgot this one thing and you get mad.  It’s like you don’t see all the other things I do!”  His words crushed my heart.  Felt like the worst mother on the planet at that moment.  I know, without a doubt, that boy knows I love him.  But what he needed from me was to see his work, and to appreciate that work.  My youngest son’s top favorite day is Tuesday.  Why?  Because Tuesday is when he brings home his Tuesday Folder!  In that folder is all his work from the previous week.  He absolutely beams as I got through every paper and gush over how well he did.  Just this week, one project he’d done did not have an obvious grade on it, so I put it in the pile, sans gushing, and moved to the next paper.  He quietly reached over and took the paper, and as I continued to gush over all the 100s, I noticed he was holding this paper, upside down, where the 100 had been put on the back of the page.  He needed me to validate that grade, even though I was validating all the others, it was important (to him specifically) I see all of them.

Meeting the needs of my sons took a little more thought, but I was totally up for the challenge, what mother wouldn’t be?  When I started paying attention, I could see the difference in how they responded to my love, verses my approval.  Don’t get me wrong, they still need my love, but boy howdy do their faces light up when they get my approval!

I’ve even taken it a step further, because like I said my children make me a better person, by seeking the good in what they do rather than point out the bad.  This revelation, in and of itself is worthy of a totally different discussion!  But to keep on track, I found the key to motivating them to do more of what I want was validating the good I saw in them.

Ok, game time!!  Every played “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”?  Well, this is kind of like that, except it’s with a word, and I did it in less than six degrees.  Validating the good I see in the boys shows them I approve of who they are, and I admire them for their efforts.  Want to know what another word for admire is?  Respect.  Ergo, to validate ultimately shows respect.  And that, respect, motivated my boys more than my love.

Let’s pull this all together now!!  What are men?  Well, they are grown boys.  So…what do you think motivates men?  Ding!  Ding!  Absolutely right, respect!  Yes, love is good and needed, but respect is what motivates them!  Want to know what it motivates them to do?  Love you.

Simple, right??  We see that mothers willingly show respect for their sons (well, once they figure out it motivates them), and that this is what makes sons thrive!!  So why why why why do we balk at the thought of respecting our husbands??  “Because he doesn’t deserve it!!”  Really?  Ever?? 

Let me leave you with some thoughts:

·      Do you expect your husband to love you?  Or, is it ok that he just love you when you are lovable?

·      Can you admit that you aren’t always lovable?

·      Would you feel amazing if your husband showed he loved you every single day?

·      Can you concede that it would be pretty gosh darn simple to admire (respect) a son if that’s what you knew he needed?  Even on the days he got on your last nerve?

·      Is it possible for you to put aside you own needs (for a moment), and see that little boy in the man you married that needs you to admire him?  To tap into that intuitive mothering instinct and pour it out on him?

·      Which is more important to you?  Being happy?  Or being right?  Does your need to be right stem from your own insecurities and/or baggage from the past?

Some of these questions may be pretty easy to answer, others less so.  But I encourage you to spend some time pondering, and praying, over them.  Finding the answers could be imperative to taking the next step towards a happy marriage.

Wives, Submit to God

Part II:

Wives, Submit to God

Are you ready for the punch?  Are you ready to swallow that pill, even if it’s bitter?  Good, I’m glad you are up for the challenge!!

In my previous blog (Part I:  It’s Okay To Be a Woman), my hope is that you discovered the importance of being the woman God designed you to be.  And if you aren’t sure of that woman, I encourage you to become sure of her.  I also hope you realize the importance of seeking God first in everything you do.  This seemingly small shift had a huge impact on me. 

By learning the power of strategic prayer, in seeking to know God (not just understand what He is) and be able to discern His voice, I discovered I was a lot stronger than I ever imagined.  For years I hid behind a mask of strength, my mask of strength.  The problem with a mask is that it prevents people from seeing who we really are.  It also kept me from knowing God.  While wearing this mask, I came across as uncaring, unloving, so strong that I needed no one.   In various seasons of my life, I didn’t have the time, or the choice, not to be strong.  But oh how lonely it was hiding behind that mask.

I will never for get the light-bulb moment that I realized just how much my mask was hurting me, keeping me from being the woman God designed me to be. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This scripture was not new to me; I’d read it many many times.  However, I was now reading it with a “clean heart and renewed spirit”.  It was like reading a check list of who I am, but…I’m not sure the people around me would have checked of many, if any, of those qualities they saw in me.  Being the logical person I am(sometimes) I couldn’t just blame everyone around me, claiming it was them not seeing me.  No, that gentle, yet thundering voice inside me was now speaking loud and clear.

Finally, I submitted to God; begged forgiveness for rejecting the woman He designed me to be.  I took off my mask, and am stepping into my true nature, being obedient to God’s command.  Easy?  No.  Simple?  Yes.  You see, if we rely on our own resources, we will fall short every.time.  But when we wholly submit to God’s plan, we are renewed!!  We will mount up with wings like eagles!! (Isaiah 40:31)  I am a strong woman, and to GOD be the glory!!!

Wives, we must be willing to submit and obey God.  Period.

Wives, if you are unwilling to submit and obey God, just stop reading now…because you will read what I’m about to say, and you will gag on the pill that must be swallowed.  Honestly, I’m still drinking, from my cup of grace, to wash this pill down.

1 Peter 3:1-5  “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives…it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.  They submitted themselves to their own husbands…”

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Ephesians 5:24 “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

This is what God commands of a wife.  Easy? ~insert hysterical laugh here~  Um, NO!

Something I like to do, because I’m a big nerd and a bit stubborn…is to get a clear definition of a word that I get caught up on, and muddles either what I’m trying to convey, or what I’m trying to understand.  So, let’s unmuddle.

Submit – (verb) to give over or yield to the power or authority of another; to subject to some kind of treatment or influence; to defer to another’s judgment, opinion, decision

Ok, that’s pretty clear.  And you know what?  I have zero problem submitting to God!!  Because His is worthy, mighty, faithful, loving, peaceful, joyous, awesome!  I know in my knower that wonderful things happen when I submit to Him, I’ve seen them, experienced them.  So, yeah, it’s a no brainer there.

But...submit to my husband???  Seriously??  Have we warp back in time?

Well, yes, we kinda have.  We’ve gone back to the very beginning, where God created a woman to be a helpmeet (noun - anything that aids or assists; a companion and helper, a spouse).  That is what we were designed to be.

Follow me down this path, if you would:

Ever worked with a team that has two leaders?  Or two people that want to be leaders?  Ever danced with someone and both of you were trying to lead the steps?  Ever had kids that get one message from dad and another message from mom and end up in trouble because they had two different messages?  Ever had two head chefs in the same kitchen?  None of those situations go smoothly or end well.  Someone has to take the lead position.  Someone has to follow. 

We even have dominant hands, arms, feet and legs.  Even our brains have dominant sides! All of them, seamlessly, work together without effort.  Our strong arm or leg will do most of the heavy lifting, while the other arm is there to support and stabilize.  It doesn’t matter if we work out of the right side of our brain (creative, imaginative, insightful) or the left side of our brain (logic, language, writing).  We have the proclivity to be more of one side than the other, but without the other nothing would come to fruition.

Look at your life.  Somewhere in your life story, you see the benefits of having both dominate and subordinate features.  Your dominant arm is pretty useless without the support of the other.  Your creativity would be lost if you couldn’t transfer it into words or on paper.  Even your logic would trap you if you couldn’t think outside of the box!  It is simple and easy to thank God for the way we are designed.  Once I discovered, and understood, the way God designed me, I became my biggest fan!!  I love being me!!

God created marriage in the same way He designed our body and our brain to work in unison.  He gave clear guidance as to how this unit will function at peek capacity.  Once you discover, and understand, the way God designed marriage, you will see how simple it is.  Though, honestly, it won’t be easy.

Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

“The way is hard that leads to life”…well, then the question is…do you want life in your marriage? 

It's Okay To Be a Woman

Part I:

It's Okay To Be a Woman

Recently, I started another book study.  To this point, my studies have been about me, how to love me, how to pray strategically, how to discern the Voice of God.  This journey started a little over a year ago, and honestly, it has been one of the hardest yet most rewarding journeys I've been on to date.

When this journey began, I had no real idea where it would lead.  What I wanted was to know me, and more important than that, I wanted to know God.  Not just understand God, or understand His Work.  I wanted to have an intimate relationship with God, the kind I had when I was a child.

My favorite song as a young girl was "This Little Light of Mine".  I always felt that little light, always.  As I grew up though, that darn bushel kept hiding my light.  That little light still burned, never went out, but that bushel suddenly became a safe place for me and my light.

In March of 2015, that bushel was lifted!!  To God be the glory.  While that little light didn't burst into a giant flame...it was now free of its hiding place.  That "safe" place, that stronghold, was cracked, big time!!  My soul was on fire...and I had no idea that soon, it would be ablaze!

So finally, light burning brightly, me confident in the woman God designed me to be, I decided to branch out, find a book that takes me out of my comfort zone...and boy did I find one!!  MOTIVATING YOUR MAN GOD'S WAY:  Discovering One Work That Energizes Your Husband to Love, by Dr. Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs.  Within the first few pages of this book, I knew I needed to share this experience, this new level of understand about the woman God designed, and commanded, me to be.

I feel the...need...to make a few caveats:

• This post is specifically to Christian wives, though it's not intended only for Christian wives.
• This post will have Biblical truths which are not my opinion or interpretation.
• This post will have my opinion and interpretation.
• This post will absolutely, without doubt, make a feminist not only balk, but also completely reject most of it, and very possibly become offended.
• This post is not for husbands, of any variety.  However, it is entirely possible some of it, if not all of it, resonates and even inspires them to give me a virtual "high five".
• This post is about my personal conviction to becoming a godly woman.
• This post may not pertain to you.  So if I say "we" and you don't fall into that category, I ain't talking to you.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way, I am going to continue with not one thought as to how someone is going to perceive this.

Fellow wives, we are doing it wrong.  We are going at this marriage thing from the absolute wrong angle.  And, get this, we are committing a sin against God!! ~insert "oh my" face here~

Wait.  WHAT??  What did I just say???

Yep.  I said it.  We, us wives, are sinners.  We are being disobedient to God in what he commands us to do and be.

(Pause for shock and horror).

(Pause again for you to re-read what I just claimed).

(Pause, yet again, to give you time to pray and welcome the Holy Spirit into this "conversation").

So, before I get straight to the punch, I find it important to lay the ground work.  Let me give you a picture of how I (important personal pronoun there) view society as we live in it today.

Prior to August 18, 1920, women did not hold the same rights as men.  I suppose one could say we were oppressed?  I suppose it could also be seen as if we were forced to submit to men.  Several very brave women and a few male supporters held the first women's rights convention in 1848.  Two years later, in 1850, the very first National Women's Rights Convention was held in Worcester, Massachusetts.  For seventy years, 70!! years, some amazing women did some amazing things to change the face of history.  I thank them.

As most ideals do, the direction of this movement changed.  While I (see that personal pronoun again?) do see the good in change, I can also see where it becomes...misdirected.  There now seems to be a certain level of militancy towards forcing society to declare, and agree, women are equal to men.  Not only in the eyes of the law, but in the eyes of pretty darn near everything.

Now, here is my first line of thought that could easily be rejected and dismissed.  While, I do agree, that women deserve every right under the law that is (was) freely given to men.  I do not, however, agree that we are equal to men.  Hold on, hold on, don't get your panties in a bunch!  There will be plenty of time for that.  What I mean is, pound for pound, women are not created to be like men, therefore what we do equal will never be equal to what a man equals.  It's very similar to comparing flowers to car parts.  Their basic functions are just different.  If you have an issue with that, I suggest you take it up with God.  I'll also point out, in case you've forgotten in the moment, God loves us all equally.  He views our sin equally.

There seems to be, in my observation, a desperate need for some women to feel they are equal to men.  Honestly, I don't understand that need in the least.  I mean, why??  In my logic, I'm not a man, so...it doesn't even occur to me to compare myself with a man.  Outside of the incredibly obvious outward differences, there are some pretty vast differences in our inner workings as well.  Not only do I acknowledge that my physical attributes are completely different, my very nature is completely different!!

For example:

• While I've often thought I'd like the convenience of writing my name in the snow, or not have to, in desperation, find a tree and triple check there is NO ONE even remotely able to see behind said tree...I would be completely unwilling to give up my ability to carry and birth children.
• Without hesitation or doubt, I do.not.ever. want, nor desire, the ability to fart and analyze the smell.  Even more, I never want my friends to be OK with sharing their farts with me!  Ever.
• I love and embrace that, by nature, I am peaceful.  While I will, and can, protect and defend, I'm most happy when I can just love and laugh.  I don't perceive things by level of threat.
• It is a blessing that I do not feel pressed to perform, pursue, provide, or protect.  Do I want to do those things?  Of course.  But the feeling of it being my soul obligation is lacking.

These are just a few things I think of when I consider being "equal" to a man.  I don't want to be a man!  I like being a woman!!  I am thankful I am a woman because men don't make sense (to me, as a woman)!!

Genesis 2:18  "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him".

So, here God had created Adam, then realized "Hmm...maybe it's not good for him to be alone".  Now, let me tell you, as a mother of three boys...It is NEVER good for them to be alone!!  Not alone by themselves, and certainly not alone together!  I've been privy to watching grown men be alone..."Hey y'all!!  Watch this!!".  It almost never ends well.

Adam went through all the creatures God had created, and not one of them fit the bill.  (Genesis 2:19-20).

Genesis 2:22-23  "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said,  “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man".

Out of all the other creatures, Adam chose this one to call woman.  Taken from his own flesh, created to be his helper.  You catch that??  Doesn't say to be his servant...it says helper.  If we focus on this word, helper, and stop applying our own feelings of inadequacy, it may make the pill I am about to share with you a bit easier to swallow.

Before we get to the pill, let me take a moment to address something I find important in what I just said.  "Stop applying our own feelings of inadequacy...", this is something I struggle with.  Something I've always struggled with.  There is a social "norm", a worldly definition of what makes us "good", acceptable women.  I had, and have, some pretty amazing women as role models...Women that raised me, influenced me, gave me a picture of what I wanted to be.  Then, of course, there's societies model.  In my esteem the societal model is of much less value, but really can have a bigger impact because we see it every.single.day.  This fictitious model is so utterly unrealistic sometimes it makes me angry.  If anything should be banned, it should be this unattainable image of what makes a "good" woman.  The negative impact it has on women, starting as young girls following us on into adulthood, is staggering.  As if we aren't hard enough on ourselves, we now have lies coming from every direction that support our own feelings of inadequacy!

That's exactly what they are, lies from the pit of hell.  It wasn't until I decided to reject these lies, and start seeking the woman God created me to be, that I began to see things from a different light.  First, I had to learn about the woman God created me to be...positive and negative qualities which make me who I am.  Once I saw who I was, I began to love that who!...not only celebrating the positive, but embracing the negative.  I highly recommend a book, Meet the New You:  A 21-Day Plan for Embracing Fresh Attitudes and Focused Habits for Real Life Change, by Elisa Pulliam.  It took me way more than 21 days!!  But the impact of this book really was life changing.  Not only did this book show me, in fact, that God designed me with purpose, but it motivated me to start liking that woman.  To find and claim that purpose.  To stop looking outwardly for acceptance, and stand fully in the grace of God.

1 Corinthians 15:10  "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.  No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me".

Wives, it is of utmost importance that we discover the woman God created us to be.  This woman absolutely will.not. look like any other woman you know, have see, or have heard of.  It is not "one size fits all" kind of thing.  It is unique and specific to you, just like your fingerprint.

If you don't know that woman, find her.  When you meet that woman, embrace her, love her.  Know that she is a daughter of the One True King!  Then, submit that woman to Christ.  Let HIS Holy Spirit consume you.  Trust me, believe me, when I say:  If you do this, what I'm about to share with you will flow out of you so easily and readily.  You may even look forward to the challenge (because yes, it will be a challenge).

Above all the things I've discovered on my journey so far, it's that when I seek God first, when my trust is in Him, I can pretty much do anything.  The journey is not always easy "for the gate is narrow and the way is hard" (Matthew 7:14), but I guarantee you, it will bring you closer to God, to knowing God.  And really, is there a greater reward than that?