House Rules

My house, my rules.  How many times did you hear that growing up?  Well, it's official, I've turned into my parents!!  And I've found, there are worse things to become...

Growing up, there wasn't a list of rules for me to follow, well, unless you count the Ten Commandments.  Looking back, I wouldn't consider my parents strict, exactly, as a teenager I thought they were horrible!!  But as an adult, they kept me out of trouble, more trouble I should say, because I found plenty even on the short leash they kept me on.

My house, growing up, was pretty laid back.  We were far from stuffy, it was a home, not just a house.  It was my safe haven from the (sometimes) cruel realities of the "real" world.  Even when I got in trouble, say, at school, I didn't dread going home.  There would be punishment for doing something wrong, of course, but it would be fair and much to my chagrin I knew it was fair.  Do the crime, pay the time.  Stupid logic, it sucked having it as a teen.  But no matter how much trouble I might be in, I knew one thing wouldn't change, my parents would still love me.  They would listen to me, try to understand where I was coming from, sometimes failing...They did a great job, I can only hope I'm doing as well.

It is my belief that home should be where one can relax.  There's nothing more inviting after a long days work than to come home and not feel like you have to perform.  As an adult, we all get that.  But what about the kids??  Don't they, too, have the right to have the same kind of place?  I think they do, and I'm trying to find the balance (with three boys, it's sometimes hard!!!).  Never do I want my house to be a place my children avoid.  You know those adults that never seem to spend a lot of time at their parent's house??  Ever wonder why??  Our memory of home stays with us forever.  It's either something you gravitate towards, or you avoid like the plague!!

With three boys, nothing is easy.  Ever.  It's always something.  I couldn't be more easy going, really.  That has been something I've had to work on, not being so easy going...because really, when the patients run the asylum, things go south quickly.  So, I've tried to come up with some basic rules.  Pretty simple, and clear.  I will print these and display them in the house, so everyone can remember them.  These are FAMILY rules, not just rules for the kiddos.  The greatest influence we have on our children is not from what we say, it's what we do.  Actions speak louder than words.

Be nice.  Really, is it that hard??  Do unto others, turn the other cheek, if you don't have anything nice to say, DO.NOT.SAY.ANYTHING.

Be helpful to each other.  You know, if everyone came home and just did nothing, what do you think would happen?  "But it's not my job"...blah blah blah.  If you live in a house, it's your job to be helpful.  Mom vent:  It's not just mom's job to keep the house going.  She does the majority of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, paying bills.  Would it really kill you to put any dirty dishes you have, or see, in the dishwasher??  Wait, you say the dishwasher is full of clean dishes??  Un.load.it.   There is nothing that will drive a mom/wife/woman over the edge than walking into the kitchen to find an empty dishwasher and dirty dishes sitting on the counter.  Seriously, open the dish washer, insert dirty dish.  It probably takes less time than it did for me to type that sentence.  A mess doesn't have to be made by you for you to clean it up.  When you see something that needs to be done, do it.  Why are you waiting for someone else to do it??  If it's your house, it's your job.

Clean up after yourself.  If you can't seem to help each other...then just focus on you.  Put dirty clothes IN the dirty clothes hamper.  Wash out the sink after you brush your teeth (or shave) in it.  Can I stress enough to put your dishes in the dishwasher??  No, I can't.  If you brought it out of your room, take it back to your room.  If you can't find it in you to help others, just don't add to the mess/chaos.

Shirts on at the dinner table.  I don't really need to elaborate on this one do I?

Yes, not what.  (Ma'am and sir are optional).  Yes is so much nicer, it really is.  I have a sing-song yes, it makes me appear to have interest when you call my name. (paranoid)  I like to think you have interest when I call your name!  When I tell you to do something, respond.  Again, yes/yes ma'am/ok/sure are all acceptable, but say them so people can hear you!  If you are on the couch, and I am in the kitchen, if you nod (yes or no) I can't hear your head rattle!

Say someone's name one time.  If they don't respond in 5 minutes, you may say it again.  Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  GAH!!!  There is a reason I'm not responding, you will have to trust me on this.  If your brother doesn't answer you, he's probably ignoring you, so just stop trying.  The dog doesn't like you, and saying his name a gazillion times will not make him come closer to you.  Sorry.  And William, I can listen to you without actually having to look at you.  When someone says "Yes William", start talking.  We don't have to make eye contact with you to hear you.  Mav, that goes for you too.

Do NOT use foul language.  Honestly, this is for the adults.  Children listen to your every word, especially the bad ones.  If you don't want your child dropping the F-bomb in front of Great Aunt Ida, don't use that word anywhere your children can hear it.  Trust me on this one.  Kids want to be like their role models, that's just how it works.  If they see you using bad language, they will see nothing wrong with it.  Even when you tell them you can because you're an "adult", if it's wrong, it's wrong.  There are plenty of other descriptive words we adults can use.  Take the time to find those other words and save Aunt Ida from fainting, she's old and she might break a hip if she falls.

Do not lie.  My mother has some sort of magic, I can't lie to her.  It's annoying, though I've gotten better at it as an adult (paranoid).  Thankfully, I don't need to lie to her, but the ability would have been nice when I was a teenager!  She gave me very sage advice once, I shall share it with you.  She said, never put a child in the position to lie to you.  Say you catch your angel child with a face covered in chocolate, you ask said angel child if they've been eating Mama's chocolate that is stashed in her night-stand.  Well, in their little brain it makes total sense to say no.  Seriously, fess up vs deny deny deny?  No brainer.  See, until children get older, they think when they lie, you will take their word for it.  Similar to how when they put the covers over their head they are rendered invisible.  So, when you simply as why they ate Mama's stash of chocolate in the night-stand, they are forced to either a) tell you, or b) stand there looking like a deer in the headlights.  That is the magic.  Since they still think they can become invisible, they will also think you know everything some sort of telepathy.  It's great!

So instead of ten, I've made eight.  Ten might just put the boys over the edge!  They can deal with eight, eight is totally do-able.  I think I'll print them out, have them sign them and put them on the fridge.  We have a marble system, one marble = 30 minutes computer time, so each broken rule will cost a marble.  LOVE the marble system!!  Makes my life easy, I like easy.  These rules, in black and white, will make life easy as well.  Kids like to know what's expected of them, I like a list I can refer to.  This seems like a win win for us!  We shall see over dinner...

Forgive Me

It has been 168 days since my last blog.  I am sure ALL of you have been waiting on pins and needles...whom ever ALL is...

Today is a day to write down, it is the first day, in (does more math) 7 years, 3 months and 13 days that I have been home alone.  Well, kinda.

For over 10 years, I have been a full time, stay at home, mom.  Austin, my oldest is 10 (almost 11!).  When he was 2.5 he went to Mother's Day Out for two hours twice a week in the Spring.  He started Montessori school at 3.5 and went from 9AM to 2PM five days a week.  Then, Mav was born May 10, 2004, thus began my run of full time mom.  A couple of years later, my wonderful surprise, William, was born.  Austin had moved on to Kindergarten, Mav was still "little" and at home with me.  So now, I had one in school and two at home.

Two years later, Mav started Pre-k for half a day, so I was down to one child at home.  Which, as those of you that have multiples know, one is more time consuming than two.  With two, they have each other, with one, they want you.  It was actually nice, because William being my youngest, I'd not had the opportunity to have just me and him time.  Austin got the most Mama Time, Mav had his fair share, but William had always shared his time with me with at least one of The Brothers.  So I enjoyed my one-on-one time with William.  He missed his brothers, a lot, and looked forward to them coming home from school.  It was hardest when Mav started Kinder because he was gone ALL day.  William spent a lot of time asking when The Brothers would be home.

Last year, William started Pre-K.  He was thrilled!!  He got to ride the bus to school and home from school with The Brothers!!  He was big now!  Of course, he was still my baby...but I tried to keep that quiet.  William had a crash course in telling time last year.  And I have to admit, I failed.  From the time he woke up, it was "It's time to go to school", "No son, it's 7:30AM, The Brothers just left, you won't go until 11AM.  That's when the bus comes".  Every.single.day.

I have been looking forward to this time, with both excitement and dread.  The whole Summer, in the back of my mind, I knew they would all start school.  My stoic 10 year old, who is already a Tween with loads of angst and self doubt, is starting 5th Grade.  The sweetest little blue eyed boy evah!, 7 year old Maverick started 2nd Grade full of wonder and excitement.  And William, my baby, who has been asking how many days 'til school for about two weeks, is in Kinder.  From 7AM until 3PM, they will not be in this house.  It's quiet.  And I'm somewhat lost.

For over 10 years, I have defined myself as full time mom.  Now, I find myself full time mom, with eight hours of child free time.  EEK!!  I am beginning to realize I'm going to miss them.  Before, I didn't have time to miss them!! I felt "on" all the time, and, honestly, it was hard some days.  Being at work, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, well, few people know how that feels.  Mom's don't get sick days, we don't get vacation time, we don't get lunch breaks or even 15 minute breaks for that matter.  If you have little one's at home, unless you lock the bathroom door behind you, you have no free time.  It is not a job any of us would change, no matter what the salary.  But don't think, for a second, it's "easy".  We don't sit at home all day, on the couch, eating bonbons and watching Oprah.  Our job is just as taxing as those of you that go to work, we are at work, but we actually never leave...We can't leave work at the office, it's here, with us, all the time.

So, today, after 2661 days of being full time mom, I get a break for eight hours.  I say that and laugh, now I get to be a maid, chef and dog keeper...But today, I'm going to sit, and try not to cry, about my boys growing up.  Suddenly, I realize they are!  And damnit, they are all doing it at the same time!!  What.the.hell???  Suddenly I don't want to spend all day crocheting, or knitting, or sitting on the couch eating bonbons and watching Oprah!!  I want them all to be little again, at home, bugging the ever loving daylights out of me.  Demanding my time, asking for a bizillion goldfish, or something to drink.  Saying they are hungry...just not for what I have for them to eat.  Crawling up next to me, leaning their head on my shoulder, and just being near me.  That's what I want.  Today, at least...I can TOTALLY get use to this Home Alone thing!!  Just give me a second while I ugly cry...

Before and After

What to write, what to write.  So much for "every day".  Ah well, moving on.

Google is my friend, I LOVE the Google!!  I love the fact that I can have a thought, run to the computer, type in said thought and presto magic, I have my answer!!  Here's how it worked this time:

I am on Facebook, on the right I notice a couple of my friends "like" Nikki Sixx (um, who doesn't??).  Seeing that, makes me wonder, again, "Hmm, I wonder what happen with him and Kat von D" ~scratches head pondering~.  Oh look The Google!!  I type in "why did nikki sixx and kat von d break up",  63,400 results!!  Just so you know, they took the high road and aren't dishing the dirt.  Bor.ing.

As I was reading the comments below the article, on meanie say "Wonder if he was mad at her botched plastic surgery"?  (One said it's because she's too old now, LOL).  Of course botched plastic surgery led to my next Google, "kat von d before and after".  So, I ended up here, and that gave me the idea for my musings today!!

My first thought after looking at those pictures (you did look at the pictures right???), was "Good Maude, step away from the plastic surgery"!!  My second was how sad it is that people do not seem to believe in aging with grace.  Plus, the more money you have, the worse the plastic surgery decisions get, apparently!  Seriously, just, NO.  There is a lot to be said about natural beauty, even simply enhancing that beauty with a bit of make-up.  But some of the things women (and men) do in the name of beauty are just beyond me.  Why can they not look in the mirror and see the beauty that's already there?!  Really, everyone is beautiful in their own way (isn't that a song??), some need a little more tweekin' than others, but again, that is what make-up is for!!  (Sorry ugly men, can't help you).

A few years ago, I kind of freaked out about the whole aging thing.  I caught myself looking at 20somethings and "remembering when" I looked like a 20something.  It really was a miserable time, though one of the good things about me is I always try to find the positive in everything.  So what exactly is positive about aging??  What is so fantastic about wrinkles?  Body parts moving South?  Grey hair?  I will share with you what I think makes them so great.

When I look at myself in the mirror,  one of the first things I see is this deep crease between my eyes.  I squint, a lot.  But every time I see that crease, I try to remember some of the things I have seen that has made that crease so visible.  The crows feet and laugh lines, show just how much I have laughed in life thus far.  Sagging breasts fed three children that I love with all my heart.  (Ok, honestly, I can.not think of a positive for the derriere going South, or getting wider, gah!!!).  I actually look forward to my hair changing to grey, but I'm hoping it goes white!!  I love older women that have beautiful white hair!  I have been on this Earth almost 40 years, and I will probably be here a while longer.  I could sit and focus on the negative things about "getting old", but I really have no desire to do that for another 25+ years.

Think of life as a journey and your body is a map.  Each line and grey hair comes from a moment in time, some good some bad.  If you had not laugh lines, it would come at a great price don't you think??  To each his own and all that, but I really admire people who just age and not fight it every step of the way.  If we are very lucky, we have people in our lives that don't care that we are aging.  They won't suddenly love us less because we are 40something and not 20something.

So who is with me?  Let's make a pact, "I promise to grow old with grace.  I will not do stupid procedures trying to recapture my youth.  And I will smack my friends that get off track".  So it is said, so it is written.

Before:

After:

I would not change the after for all the befores in the world!!

Food Glorious Food

I love food!  Lucky for me, I do not over love it, though my waistline might beg to differ.  Food equates love in my world.  When I think back to childhood, some of my fondest memories involve watching the women of my family cook.  Any time the family got together, cooking, grilling, even hand churned ice cream, was involved.  Recently, my aunt came in from Kentucky and I was able to cook for her and my cousin.  Having a new audience reminded me just how much I love providing nourishment for people I care about.  It's not "slaving" in the kitchen to me, it's pure joy.

Growing up, we ate at the dinner table almost every night.  My mother cooked every night, and I was expected to eat what was in front of me.  Even the liver.  I only remember liver once, if I had it more than once I have blocked that memory out as it must have been too traumatic having to do it a second time.  There are not a lot of things I remember disliking, and several that when recalled I think "I should make that sometime"!!  Salmon patties were my favorite, hands down.  I have yet to make them as good as my mother did (I would say does, but it's been ages since she has made them...hint, hint).  When I have made them, the raves from the boys are underwhelming.  There was an odd little salad she made as well, I have not even tried to put that in front of the boys.  Even some of the adults I have mentioned it to look at me funny.  (It was a lettuce leaf, or maybe shredded??, a pineapple ring, a plop of mayonnaise topped with shredded cheddar.  I loved it, I should make it sometime!!).

Grandmother and Granddaddy's house always had food!  To this day, there is always a pie or some cookies on the counter at Grandmother's, and she's 90something!  She makes pies for the neighbors, cookies for everyone that will take them at Christmas, it would surprise me if she still had some homemade jelly up in the pantry.  If there is one thing I wish I had learned from her, it would be how to can stuff.  I have dabbled with freezer jam, and one of these days will move on to the "real deal".  Her peach cobbler was The Best!  I watched her make it enough that I almost know how to by heart.  It is sinfully easy, it really should be harder.  One night, I got the craving, so I just popped in the kitchen, whipped one up, and MJ and I were having cobbler ala mode as a midnight snack!  I try not to keep all the ingredients in the house for that very reason.

In the Harrell family, it was a long standing tradition to have waffles, sausage and tamales on Christmas Eve.  I think the story was that Granddaddy gave Grandmother a waffle iron for Christmas one year.  The following year, when she was wondering what to make for Christmas Eve Dinner, she pulled out the waffle iron that she hadn't used yet and made waffles.  From that day, well Eve, the Harrell's ate waffles on Christmas Eve.  One year, after Granddaddy had passed away, Grandmother decided to be a little creative.  We all arrived, prepared for waffles of course, only to find a casserole sitting in the middle of the table.  Just think what it is like when you take a drink of what you think is coke and it turns out to be tea.  I think I can speak for all of us when I say that is exactly how we felt!  Grandmother didn't make casserole again for Christmas Eve Dinner.

There are two things I remember my Nana making, French Toast and Jambalaya.  When I spent the night with her, French Toast was what she made for breakfast.  I would sit on a little needlepoint stool at the end of the coffee table, and she would bring me two slices of French Toast slathered in butter and covered in cinnamon sugar!!  I didn't realize until I was an adult that not everyone put cinnamon sugar on their French Toast, bunch of weirdos. 

Another tradition, but from the Johnston side of my family, was Nana's New Year's Day Jambalaya, collard greens and black eyed peas.  Oh, and don't forget the cornbread!!  My mouth waters just thinking about it and I am not remotely hungry.  At some point in my adulthood, I picked up the tradition, though for years I made my own version because I did not have Nana's recipe.  My versions were good, but when you have a specific memory of a recipe/dish close does not count!  So one can imagine my joy when my mother found the original recipe and I was able to replicate the look and taste I remember!!  One of these years, I am going to get back into the tradition so mark your calendar for January 1, The Johnston House for New Year's Day Dinner!  It will totally be worth it!

My father deserves an honorable mention here as well.  He became quite the cook over the years, all self taught by watching the likes of Emeril and endless hours of The Food Network.  He could make anything, from lemon meringue pie to chicken fried steak to bread.  All of it good.  We often exchanged telephone calls that started off with "Guess what I ate last night"?  Today, in fact, I am making a big ole pot of beans and have thought of him.  Beans were a staple for him, the perk of living alone...I hope my beans turn out as good as his were.

Eat to live, not live to eat.  That is all fine and good as long as I can keep cooking and feeding people.  It's one of the few compliments I actually like to receive "MmmMMM, this is good food"!  I will start having people over for dinner.  That is something that isn't exactly easy with three boys running around!  They are getting older though, to fast for my liking (but that is another story), and having dinner guests should be withing the realm of possibility soon!  For now, I will just keep trying to wow my 10, 6 and 4 year old.  My 42 year old is pretty easy and eats almost everything without complaint.  The 10 year old however, is the one I try to impress.  Last week he even told me "Hey, this isn't as bad as I thought it'd be"!  I will take what I can get.

Now, what's for dinner??